Thinking about suicide

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This is going to short bc my hands are really hurting me (arthritis) but I wrote about how I attempted suicide in the "After Affects" section. I'm out of the hospital but now I am still thinking about it. I have a whole bottle of pills. I've also thought about other ways. I feel so fat and ugly. I have been taking steroids for the RA and n ow I have gained a bunch of weight since I started them. I saw a picture my uncle took of me last week and I look hideous! I know I will never find a boy/girlfriend because I am so ugly and pathetic. I cant' imagine how anyone can stand to be around me or be seen with me. I just feel so depressed. I just feel so depressed. Sorry I'm whining. Looking for reasons to keep living.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi Sara sorry you are feeling so down steroids i know can cause swelling hun but if it helps decrease the pain that is good right. I hope you can talk to someone okay call a crisis line and just talk it helps. You can pm me too hun people do not think you are hideous hun they can see you are not well that all hugs to you


Well-Known Member
Dear Sara,

Your thoughts about your looks are making you depressed. Your thoughts cannot define who you truly are. In essence, we are all the same. Please don’t let your thoughts put you down…

Do you remember what you said in one of your posts where you were trying to help another member on the forum? I quote as below:

One thing that helped me was making a list of the things I DID have. I actually wrote them down. A home, a job, a tv stocked with movies I could watch, a nice cat as a companion, a few good friends, articles and stories I've written and published, etc. And then I thought about all the things I've overcome- things that as a child I had no idea that I would face- a clinical depression problem, money problems that kept me from graduating college, and etc.

Try writing down the things you have and the things you have accomplished, all the things that are important to you. That might help.

Also, it might be good to remember (as I tell myself often) when it comes to friends, its not the quantity but the quality. Some people have fifty friends but no really close friends. Having one or two really good friends is a remarkable thing- its better to have a few you can really pour your heart out to and count on than a million you can hang out with but who woulnd't really be there for you.
You see? You have a beautiful heart - that is another reason to keep living!!

With Love and hugs :hug:
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