This is going to short bc my hands are really hurting me (arthritis) but I wrote about how I attempted suicide in the "After Affects" section. I'm out of the hospital but now I am still thinking about it. I have a whole bottle of pills. I've also thought about other ways. I feel so fat and ugly. I have been taking steroids for the RA and n ow I have gained a bunch of weight since I started them. I saw a picture my uncle took of me last week and I look hideous! I know I will never find a boy/girlfriend because I am so ugly and pathetic. I cant' imagine how anyone can stand to be around me or be seen with me. I just feel so depressed. I just feel so depressed. Sorry I'm whining. Looking for reasons to keep living.