This post has to short because my hands are killing me- I have RA, even though I'm only in my 30s and the arthritis is killing me. I am in so much pain. Normally, I have software that types for me when I speak, but its not working. I have been through a major ordeal with my computer. I brought it back five times to teh guy to fix. I want to bring it somewhere else, but my know-it-all father, who I depend on to transport it as I don't have a car, insists on this guy. He just doesn't want to admit he is wrong in the place he chose. Now I have to bring it back again. A hacker took over my facebook and all my email accounts and locked me out of them,then harassed my friends for money for days. I finally had to set up a new email address, and I lost all these files and all my contacts. I am really upst because I don't now how to get i touch with some of those people. My dad is really emotionaly abusive and I wouldn't want to be around him esxcept that I need him for transportation. I have no friends in the area, and my mom, who is ok, works full time. My sister hates my guts and treats me like garbage and would'nt spit on me to put me out if I was burning in flames. I hate to say it but its true. We dont' get along at alll, and I don't know why she can't stand me so much but she wont' talk to me unless its an insult, and has made snide remarks about my sucide attempts.My dad tells me every day hnow much he wishes he was "free of me" and that I would "go away" this to smeone who has made repated suicide attempts over the past few years. Now I have to deal with him again and I don't know if he will be willing to bring the computer even though its clearly the guys fault that he didnm't fix it and not my fault. The other day I was so ready to commit suicide that I xxxxxxxxxxx. I came extremely close to doing it, went through all the preperations, but was interrupted by the phone - it was my friend and she convinced me not to do it, she was so upset and concerned I couldn't bring myself to do it and hurt her. But I want to do it now My hand s are going to be hurting for a long time bc I wrote this. I dont know waht to do. I feel so alone and upset.