Thinking about the future normal?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Thatsalovelyhorse, Jul 31, 2015.

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  1. Thatsalovelyhorse

    Thatsalovelyhorse New Member

    Hi everyone,

    Apologies for the first time message without introduction, but I'm trying to work out feelings of suicide that I've been having this week. I've been reading the forums but still not managed to straighten out anything in my head.

    Is it normal (bad choice of word, I know) to be quite happy with the idea of taking my own life whilst at the same time making plans for the longer term? I've been depressed for a while but this week it has been pretty bad. In fact, the only thing that gets me to sleep is looking up ways to die and knowing that I can do that if I can't handle it any more. In a weird way...it's peaceful. I know exactly how I will do it, and where in the house, and that it won't fail. It feels like something I'm looking forward to. But at the same time I'm arranging to do things that occur a long time from now. I've only been able to do that since I had this "fail safe" option in my head though. Like...either one would make me happier than I am now.

    I've thought about it on and off for a while, but never actually planned it fully, and never gained any comfort from it.

    Apologies for the rambly way of putting this. It took quite a bit of alcohol to build up the courage.
     
  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    hi thatsalovelyhorse welcome to sf. I think thinking of the future gives ppl hope, to keep going no matter what life throws at you. :hug:
     
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I think it is completely "normal" to think about the future and make plans while also thinking often about wanting to die. It is my personal belief, however, that suicidal ideation stops people from properly investing in getting better. There is this thing where people spend years thinking about dying and cite the fact that it has been years and nothing has got better as reason to 'do it' - but the fact is that moving forward and getting better takes energy and commitment. While we are thinking about dying, we are not committing to the future. It is really good that you think about the future and make plans - I would, however, suggest that you stop looking up methods every night and engaging in suicidal ideation - we can't change how we feel but we can change what we do. We can stop indulging certain thought processes and we can certainly stop Googling things.

    Welcome to sf :hug:
     
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