Hi everyone, Apologies for the first time message without introduction, but I'm trying to work out feelings of suicide that I've been having this week. I've been reading the forums but still not managed to straighten out anything in my head. Is it normal (bad choice of word, I know) to be quite happy with the idea of taking my own life whilst at the same time making plans for the longer term? I've been depressed for a while but this week it has been pretty bad. In fact, the only thing that gets me to sleep is looking up ways to die and knowing that I can do that if I can't handle it any more. In a weird way...it's peaceful. I know exactly how I will do it, and where in the house, and that it won't fail. It feels like something I'm looking forward to. But at the same time I'm arranging to do things that occur a long time from now. I've only been able to do that since I had this "fail safe" option in my head though. Like...either one would make me happier than I am now. I've thought about it on and off for a while, but never actually planned it fully, and never gained any comfort from it. Apologies for the rambly way of putting this. It took quite a bit of alcohol to build up the courage.