thinking of death

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by morning rush, May 25, 2014.

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  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I've been thinking about death a lot lately, how it would be easier to die. Because everyone around me basically left me to die anyways...I can't work, I tried and I got worse, I just cant, so I rely on government scraps to live...it's pretty humiliating and basic...I cannot go anywhere, cannot buy clothes that I need, like new boots because mine have holes in them, or buy a winter jacket cause mine is ripped up in the back...granted it's going to be summer soon so I don't need it right away, but I can't even save up for it...

    the moment people know you're on welfare you get those dirty looks and bashing of how lazy you are etc...if I could hold a job I would, but I've tried many times until my psy told me I might never be able to work again, because I get worse...

    I just think that if I were dead, the government would be happy, I wouldn't be bothering anyone anymore...I'd be pain free...it's kind of hard to take care of yourself when all it does is allow you to suffer longer...

    once you're an adult, no one wants to help or support you...life sucks...I'm tired of it
     
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I am sorry that Albert Einstein has hit the nail on the head in your quote m.r. And it's true about what happens once you're an adult, too - as far as people go. Sorry, I don't think I'm being of much help here, but I do think I'm someone who wants to do something about how things are. It's a question of knowing how and where to begin. I now have the faith I need for myself (for even my very worst stuff), and all I can do is encourage people to grow faith for themselves, that there is a meaning and purpose to staying and being alive ........... this to me, however feeble it might seem, is at least trying to do something, knowing that it's possible to be helped and inwardly healed, and it's open to all :)
     
  3. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    I can identify with all those things. I can't get work or buy things, but people will just say how I have a computer. Yes, and thank god--I probably won't have online access from home too much longer.

    Society does pretty much toss people to the wolves once they turn 18, until they reach 65. There's probably "good" (?) reasons for it, say "labor force discipline." But this principle is applied mindlessly to everyone, including those who go look for jobs and never get hired anywhere. I guess the one thing about death is it doesn't seem easier to me. Laying down to die is probably the most difficult thing that any human being does in life.

    I notice you switched you pic from "butterfly" to "bubble gum." I confess I don't get the message, but you did it for a reason. Best wishes to you.
    ~:butterfly9:
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I can totally relate to that. I've been on disability allowance for a few years, some people called me lazy so I brainstormed on what I could do and I got a great job volunteering for a great cause, maybe you could do that too? Death is never the answer. While you are alive there is hope....good luck to you x
     
  5. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I can relate as well. I've reached a point to where I really need help, but have nobody to help me. I was always able to take care of myself before, but now that I really need help badly, I find that I really have no place to turn. I feel so alone and scared because of my current mental state. It's really bad for me and I know it, but feel so helpless because I know that nobody can or will help me.

    The only thing I know of is to try and get help from the professionals. In my case, I've tried, but nobody's been able to help me. I'm still seeing a psychiatrist and social worker, but only because I don't know what else to do.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2014
  6. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Hi Morning,

    I feel alone much of the time too,but the truth is we are never alone. I believe the consciousness that created the Universe is always with us and always offering love! I am sorry your situation is so hard. I think it is better not to work if it makes things worse. Maybe you could create a home business and sell things on the net. I think you can still make some outside money with govt assistance. Correct me if I'm wrong. I have a friend on disability and he is allowed to make $1000/month with his benefits intact. Maybe you could too. Could you make jewelry or paintings and go to flea markets and sell them or have a friend sell them for you for extra money? It is an illusion to think we are all alone . We are never alone in my opinion. I know many people here have issues with religion or a higher power,but these have saved my life. It is impossible for me not to offer these beliefs to others. I won't tell you how to come to these beliefs,but I wish you would in your own way. Because no matter how down and lonely and defeated I feel I always know that I will be protected and safe because of the goodness of life and the being that lies behind it. I wish everyone could feel this way. But all I ask is to keep an open mind and not let the conditioning of the past close you off to that possibility.

    Another reason you are not alone is that we are here and love you and understand you and care for you. Please never forget that these posts are evidence that you are not alone. There are millions of people that would love to know you and love you and open there hearts and lives to you! The truth is that there is so much love and goodness out in the world that it is staggering. All we have to do is acknowledge it and look for it and see it is there. So many people also need you and could be saved by your good heart too. Do we ever know how important we all are and how much good all of us could do? I doubt it because we are capable of changing the world if we put our hearts and souls to it. YOU are that important!!!!

    Love,

    Marty
     
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Ive always told myself if I end up on disablity its no different than retirement.

    No shame to it. If people wanna be judgemental turn the table on them and ask them whos the sucker the working bee getting nothing working tons of hours on minimum wage n get little out of it due to t axes n medical expenses and has alot stress and take home pay is same as your ssi check. Whos smarter the working bee or the person thats retired?
     
  8. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    i am allowed only 100$ extra per month, if I get more they reduce the amount they give me. I've tried selling jewelry I made, on ebay, on etsy with no success...anyways it's a nice thought, thank you but I'm pretty much scrapping the bottom of the bottle and for now it's going to be like that...but I try....

    yeah, drownfishonfire, I guess when you see it like that, it's good. tonight I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore...I'm numb and tired and can barely concentrate...but you are right, I need to stop listening to others and acknowledging their negativity of my life...
     
  9. ViolentGirl

    ViolentGirl Banned Member

    I'm on Disability Benefits too. I've never been able to hold a job for more than a couple of weeks. But I'm glad I have these benefits as it means I can stay away from people, whom I hate.

    That makes me sound like an asshole, I know.

    Honestly, I'll be kind to anyone who's kind to me, but people aren't, in general, kind. People judge, gossip, interfere, or want to force everyone to be "normal".

    Yes, I'm mal-adjusted to normal society. But when all the normal people are behaving like lunatics, being well-adjusted isn't a compliment.
     
  10. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    that doesn't make you an as*hole, I, like you, am tired of people. I hate having to go out and socialize, but I do it because I'm more tired of being cooped up in my apartment. I need socializing but I wish there weren't so many people spitting up Bul***it and being so proud of their stupid behavior.

    I just wish I had more patience, and was surrounded by people who aren't irritating me all the time....
     
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