Thinking of Doing It

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Freddy, Jun 5, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Freddy

    Freddy Guest

    I cant stand the stress. I'm on disability and all they do is continously stress me out. Its like an endless nighmare. Ever since I got on it (2 years or so) I have wanted to kill myself. Its like one problem after another and it never ceases. Dont they realize I'm already in so much pain and suffering! Dont they realize I'm not mentally well. They have created nothing but more anxiety and grief for me. I want out! I dont want to live anymore! I'm so tired of it
     
  2. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    Have you ever talked to a professional? Maybe they could take some of the pain off your mind, even medication can do that.

    Don't go. We'll hang in here together, okay? :wink:
     
  3. KyleKW

    KyleKW Well-Known Member

    Hey Freddy
    I've been in a similar situation as you sound to be. It's awful because nobody else, even those closest to you, have any idea what you really feel like, even if they try hard. They probably have their own issues related to your situation. Even worse when you don't feel the support of people like doctors, insurance companies, employers, and so on. I am convinced that the healing part of medicine has been taken away, it's all about money now. You giving up is a lot less work and expense for them.

    I suggest that you try to use the negative energy they're throwing at you in reverse, take strength from that to build your case. Be realistic and honest in every way you can document your situation, put it in front of everyone that needs to see why you're on disability (those that aren't supporting). Please don't make it easy on them to beat you down. You may not be in a position of strength but, unfortunitely my friend, the hardest parts are up to you.
     
  4. Freddy

    Freddy Guest

    Pisces I do have a psychiatrist but it takes weeks to talk to him. The closes I have is a counsellor but she doesnt seem to understand the severity of my mental state. Its really awful. They seem very indifferent to me. I cant handle the stress and anxiety. Its to a point where I am having nightmares. I feel I have been abadon by all.
    KyleKW it just feels like an endless nightmare. Its like when one is dealing with government bureaucracy and the paper work and running around and constant explanations they make you do. Its never good enough for them and they are "always right". It seems everything I do violates some sort of infraction or policy (its like walking on a razor's edge with them). Its like if I was a slave worker. Constantly obligated to meet their demands and regulations. I'm fearful of opening any letters from them and receiving phone calls. The constant worries and fears etc. It has effected my mental health. They are on my back constantly. I wasnt happy being on disability to begin with but being on it they have turn my life into a living hell. I admit my life wasnt a happy one but its even worst now. All I ever wanted in life was to live a simple life and be content with that. I always had sucidal thoughts but now they are constantly on my mind. I'm in so much distress and pain right now.
     
  5. KyleKW

    KyleKW Well-Known Member

    "I'm fearful of opening any letters from them and receiving phone calls."

    I've been there, totally, it's a vicious cycle they put you through. Please reach out to whoever possible to help. Is there family or friends that can take on this busy work in your behalf... church maybe? What about free legal services... even law students... most would love to put accomplishments like this on their resume. Call the media, make it a public interest story, your distress over a legit case can be their bad publicity. This is your battle but you don't have to go it alone. If you let the 'bastards in life' push you over the edge, they win. Ah, damn, should take my own advice probably. If necessary then act like the weird freak on disability that they (the paper pushers) don't want to deal with, or come back at them with strength like you're happy playing their games. Your distress and pain are real... you know it, I do, and so does anyone else reading this... make them realize it too. If you suicide they'll probably think you had a legit disability afterall, but it'll be too late. Be proactive, doesn't sound like you have anything to lose. Right now do anything that'll put a smile on your face... then build from that.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.