I've been doing a little bit of research. Just the basics. I have a particular product in mind. I have no idea how successful I would be getting it. And I have no idea how I would be sure that it was legit/authentic. But I'm at this point. I wish I could just buy some and have it stashed away...and feel safe or relieved knowing I always have that escape route if things keep getting worse. However, you generally can't keep these things forever as they expire. But I dunno, even if I decide not to go through with it, I think I'll have relief knowing I've "been there done that" and was able to access the necessary products and could do it again at any time. Sigh. It's bizarre how painful it is to unravel to the point that I am seriously researching and considering this...yet it also feels liberating knowing that i might have access to a relatively painless exit route. i almost feel like it would make deal with the day-to-day easier, and maybe i wont be depressed...knwoing that in case of emergency, or in the event that i didnt want to deal with this anymore, i could opt out in a sense/get bailed out.