Thinking of ending it? Think again.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ToHelp, Feb 13, 2008.

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  1. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Hey all,

    Suicide *may* ....or it *may not* be selfish. Either way, you do not exist in a vacuum. Suicides permanently affect others within your circle--we all have circles of acquaintances. Unless you are magically posting from a deserted island....

    Edwin Shneidman, Ph.D ([SMHA]) has estimated that the survivors of suicide--those left behind--represent one our largest mental health casualties.

    Believe it or not, I'm not arguing for judgment on the subject--just saying think before you jump. Life ain't all about you, and you know why? Because you matter. Your very existence affects others in ways you'll never know.

  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You are right in that suicide does not only affect you, but the lives of many others. Some of these people are loved ones. Some are people you have never even met. It is not something that ends when your life does. The affect lingers on for many years and generations after. It may not seem fair to ask that we keep these others in mind when making this decision, but is it fair not to?
  3. Jacob91

    Jacob91 Member

    That's always something we think about too. Maybe they'll see more of what we went through. I don't think anyone actually goes through with it without considering what will be thought.
  4. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    A very insightful response, and I thank you for adding it.

    "The affect lingers on for many years and generations after."
  5. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    We do NOT all have circles of acquaintances. I have no family and no friends. When I die no one will miss me. The only way any one will know of my death is when the other people in this apartment building would start complaining of the smell of my rotting corpse and have the landlord investigate. No one will mourn, no one would be hurt.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    For my family I hope that my suicide opens their eyes, and they will finally seek the help that I have been trying to tell them they have needed for many years now. And just maybe, they will also realize that depressive and bipolar conditions are not just "something in a person's head" and they will appreciate just how devastating it can be to the one afflected with it. My suicde will be the "new beginning" they are not willing to take on their own. It will actually be a benefit to those around me.
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't do it Itmahanh. If you commit suicide then your family will be very upset and will probably blame themselves for causing it. It's not easy for people who are 'normal' to understand psychological conditions, without taking time to learn about them. Hang in there hun. :hug:
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Many of us feel that we have no one that would really care if we died or that the death would go unoticed. It is forgotten that someone will find you. It impacts their life whether they knew you or not. That in turn effects the lives of their family and friends and the cycle continues. It may not be something that causes you concern and that is something only you can decide. But to think it will have no affect on anyone is a fallicy in my opinion.
  9. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    What? So I'm supposed to keep living an endless life of misery because someone MIGHT feel bad on finding my body? That's B.S. That person would get over it and the fact is it might not even bother them one bit depending on what kind of person they are.

    You're gasping at straws to the point of rudeness. You're so hung up on OTHER people who may or may not be slightly bothered that you didn't even consider or even ask about my feelings, my pain.

    What? This thread is about the so called selfishness of the person considering suicide that it becomes selfish in not considering that person's feelings, only other people at the expense of the person who is actually in pain right now.

    "Just live and suffer in pain so someone else may or may not feel some pain"

    That's an incredibly selfish concept. Don't try to call us the selfish ones.
  10. Zodi

    Zodi Anitiquities Friend

    Please...if I died today, no one would even know. No one would even care.
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am not grasping at straws, nor did I say anyone was selfish. My replies are to the original poster in the first place. Remember that there should be no attacking of other members nor flaming. I never said that anyone had to agree with my thoughts. They are my thoughts just as yours are yours. I do not judge you by them and would appreciate that I not be judged by you. The OP asked for thoughts on the subject.
  12. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    How is my reponse attacking or flaming? Can't I have an opinion on the matter, strong or not, especially considering the situation? I used no offensive or foul language.

    And how was I not to think your post was not directed at me when you mentioned the part about finding and going "unnoticed"? I was, after all, talking about my unnoticed death and finding my rotting corpse.

    And I said the point of the thread was selfish and stand by that. It's the pain of the people that are in so much of it that they want to die that should matter.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 14, 2008

  13. ToHelp, you seem to be a nice, caring person, though guilt tripping people to remain alive because of worries regarding suicide hurting other people, is not a good way to support people in crisis.
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2008
  14. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I guess this thread may be a little bit 'guilt tripping' people who take their lives, but it's the truth that suicides affect many people. That's why there's such a social stigma attached to it.
  15. Daze&Confused

    Daze&Confused Antiquitie's Friend

    I'm not sure if anyone can stay alive just for others.I have thought about those around me and how my death may affect them. Am i selfish for my choice to die, probably, but that won't change my decision.

    I've spent my whole life worrying about others , and i'm sick of it, and life. I hope that those i leave behind will understand and forgive me.
  16. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I don't think the original OP was saying that anyone should stay alive for other people but for each one of us to stop for a moment and truly think about how our friends and families may feel if we did commit suicide. Depression is all consuming - i sure as hell understand that, i think all of us on here would agree with that - but taking a few moments to stop thinking about ourselves and 'our' pain is not only healthy, it may also stop an individual going down the wrong route. Plus thinking about the people we may hurt can actually show us how many people love us. I agree, no one person is an island - you may not feel close to anyone right now but you could be potentially stopping yourself being close to someone in the future.

    Plus this is a suicide support forum, i know that a lot of people on here are suffering from depression/bipolar and other psychiatrict illnesses which is exactly why we need a forum like this and people like ToHelp coming on here. He is not belittling our pain, but he is offering support and guidence from someone who isn't ill. So often on here i find people are too busy defending their own anger, hurt, pain that they WON'T even listen to someone who is offering support and hope because they think it will belittle their pain. But this isn't the case.

    So many people on here think that the way they think is how life actually is, but depression is an illness that affects the way you think, it makes everything ugly, worthless and hopeless. It is not our fault that we sometimes think these things but it is our responsibility to take action to help ourselves get better.

    Prehaps if each of us started to understand we are ill, not that the world is screwed up or we are worthless or a nobody then we can remove the stigmitism surrounding mental illness!! It is nothing to be ashamed of, start talking, start asking for help. The way you feel now is not how you will feel forever, no matter how much you want to believe what the depression is telling you because quite frankly - it lies.
  17. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Hi all,

    It is smart to remember where you are. SF is not an indifferent forum where suicide is openly endorsed. My stance is congruous with SF's mission.

    From "guilt tripping" to "this thread is about selfishness" I can immediately spy many inaccuracies: If you read my topic again, you'll see I allow that suicide may actually not be selfish. I also state I'm not arguing for judgment on the subject, so there goes the 'guilt-tripping.'

    Wrong guy, Zodi. I was not being patronizing; was not handing out paintings of saccharin-sweet visions of life. If you want to decree your own final exit, then that's on you--but I have that right to affirm the intrinsic value of my life and the lives of others (right? ;)).

    My position is pro-life on a pro-life forum.

  18. taranama

    taranama Well-Known Member

    i was told today by a very dear friend of mine that suicide is very selfish, not only on my dad, but on my friends. and i totally agree with him, all i have to do is realize that these people do actually love me. it might take a little while but i'm sure i can do it. it'll also bring shame on my family, and i love them so much. i coulg never ever do anything like that to them.

    all people who are thinking of suicide have to remember: there is someone somewhere who will be deeply affected by your death. and if you have any kind of empathy for humanity, spare them that hurt?
  19. ColdSummer

    ColdSummer Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry I guess the OP might be right about this for some but for me, you're way off. Suicide isnt selfish, it is selfish for other who say not to do it. If somone has loved ones who would be affected that greatly if they died, then they shouldn't kill themself, but for people who know people wouldn't be affected that much, it doesn't matter. It's harder for me to stay alive with a mental illness rather than think about what my family would go through, because it's tiny compared to my whole life.
  20. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    And, therefore, not necessarily to the better. One might even improve the world by leaving it.
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