I am seriously thinking of ending it tonight but I am extremely afraid. If you knew me in real life, you know I was a caring, sweet person who would do whatever I can to help anyone. I work from home doing webdesign, and have a second job as well. But lately, things have been so bad for me even though I try. I have the most wonderful husband in the world who works hard, treats me with respect, and loves me unconditionally. But here I am, sad because I cannot have kids - maybe I am infertile or something. My husband wants kids some day and that brings me down. My sister in law has 2 beautiful kids and always comes over. I like spending time with them but it reminds me of what I cannot have. On top of that, work has been slow but I know it will get better by next week because I have a campaign that will begin, so April will be a great month for me. The worst part of all is that I am so shy around people. I force myself to talk but since I work from home, making any female friends is hard for me. I wouldn't mind having online friends, that would be so nice. My best friend is practically gone who is my mom. She was fine a year ago, very responsible and loving. I didn't realize it till now because I was so young but my mom has a drinking problem. She is the last one left in our family except for my uncle and Grandma.. she hasn't called me and my grandmother within a month. I feel like I lost my mother and I try so hard to keep a smile on my face and go through each day.. but in the back of my mind I worry about her and what is to become of her if she stays on this destructive path.