Thinking of giving up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Scubakiki, Aug 27, 2006.

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  1. Scubakiki

    Scubakiki Active Member

    I'm absolutely FREAKING OUT I don't like it here in college. I don't like my room mates I'm so scared if I leave California and go back home to Chicago I will kill myself I will be a failure I should do it now.

    I had the mother of all panic attacks about an hour ago. I vomited and hyperventilated and sobbed for over an hour. My Dad is still here what am I going to do when he is not here I can't do it I should just give up I"m a failure

    I miss James and Kathy and all my friends and Jana and Kirby and Oreo and Ava and my bed and my room and my backyard and everything. I take back about hating Illinois.

    I can't do it I can't I can't I CAN'T
     
  2. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    oh, Sweetie. I know what it's like to have a panic attack that bad. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Things are going to get better, college has only just started, pretty soon you'll make some friends and get used to the environment. Good luck.
    Feel free to Pm me if you need anything.
    Ashton
     
  3. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    yes you can, you can, YOU CAN!

    I'm sorry things are so tough for you at college.. but please try to hang on in there. Things are very new for you right now, new surroundings, new people, new everything. But give it time (i know that sounds cliche)..

    .. is there anyone you've spotted who you feel you could approach and talk to.. make friends with? Is there a student counselling service where you could go for some extra support too?

    I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now, but i bet you're not alone. There will be lots of other people who are in the same boat as you at the college. And of course we're here for you too.. so you really don't have to be alone.

    Please take care of yourself and remember that you can get through this. It'll be ok.. please let us know how you're doing
    :hug:
     
  4. me_

    me_ Guest

    Well that sounds a lot like me 3 years ago...
    My luck was that one of my flatmates is a friend of mine from my home town. But she isn't in the same collage as I am, and i didn't knew ANY of my collegues, I was alone there at the beginning.
    It gets better, but I am not gonna lie to you, it will be hard at the beginning, at least it was in my case... but you'll get used to it, you'll make some friends there and that will change things.
    But I know how hard it is in the beginning, I don't even want to remember my first semester ....
    :hug:
     
  5. thecrow

    thecrow Member

    yes, you will meet more people through the system eventually. I lived all alone in my flat my first year, no family near or anything, with severe depression. I nearly went nuts when it was almost the second term of university and I had no friends. And then out of the blue some people started talking to me on different occasions and I just smiled back and chattered and now I at least have some friends.:biggrin:

    and here's the most important thing: you had friends, so you know you CAN make friends. you know you have the ability and skills. You don't sound like the classic loner to me. But 4 now just calm down and study to get ur mind off it.:laugh:
     
  6. dark_thought

    dark_thought Guest

    Hi bud - I went though the same thing when I went to Uni in 2000. I couldn't get on with my flatmates and after 4 months I dropped out.

    I've regretted it ever since.

    After a year at home, I went to another college and got my degree, but I always wonder what would have happened if I stayed on. DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE I DID.

    Stick it out. Even if you can't stand the people in your house, talk to the ones in your classes. You'll have plenty of opportunities to meet people who are into the same things as you; that's the good thing about school/college.

    And finally remember that you're not the only one to feel this way.
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmmm well... that seems a little extreme. The best advice i can give to you is to keep your mind occupied. Join a club or something... be hyper obsessive about your classes do anything.

    As for dealing with roommates well I cannot help you there... you just get used to them. People realize that if you are living together you might as well be on ok terms no?

    Moving away to a new place is always scarey. But you will get used to it... just do not let it rule your life. And hey you can always transfer back to a Chicago school no?
     
  8. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I'm in college too, no friends, nothing. But I live close to home so I can always go to my family. But eventually, I will have to get away from them and be all on my own, dunno what I'll do then. Damn it, why do so many other people adjust so fucking easily to college but I and many others just can't!? Damn it!!!
     
  9. zura

    zura Guest

    :sad: Huhuhu.....Count me in...I'm dealin with da same thng but I feel neutral bout my flatmate...Our conversation is very dry,almost up to 6 words a day(the average)...Anyway,I develop this sense of lunacy which I almost consistently talkin with myself..Seems like I got this 'split personality'...U should try it,it's like a self-reflection...By then,u'll gain a sense of elation,less boredom and of course this 'communication skills'...I'm dead honest..Anyway dun be that pathetic s I am:mellow: ...Juz get a 'friend'....I'm sure they're dying to have you...Hehehe:tongue:...What the heck am I talkin bout?...Guess I'm the odd one out..:blink:
     
  10. Scubakiki

    Scubakiki Active Member

    Thanks you guys. I'm still crying all the time and having attacks but I'm going to try a little longer, at least another month or so and see if it's unbearable. School started today and so I'll be pretty busy and not have time to focus on being homesick.


    I don't feel like I fit in here at all. I went to Orientation with Stella, Kati, Kristen and Lindsy (my room mates) and our RA Myra talked to us and said that while Tropicana Gardens policy has a zero tolerance on drugs and alcohol, she and the other RA's won't report drinking as long as it's not loud! So all 4 of my room mates just left to go buy a keg for our room and get drunk and they all made fun of me when I said I didn't drink.The worst part is is that even if I'm not drinking (which I won't be) but I'm in the same room as them or near empty bottles I will be in as much trouble as the freaks I live with. This is ridiculous.

    I want to go home.
     
  11. zura

    zura Guest

    Ermm...Why bother bout that?You don't even drink,even if they accused u of drinking...just defend urself,'What's da proof?'...S in ur situation,it's like a dilemma..There's nothng that u can do bout em,u can't foister others to accept ur principle...U've come this far to study..So,dun waste dz chance...Make d most out of urself..Life is enjoyable,it's just a matter of how we perceive it to be....Wish u luck..:smile:
     
  12. neonspoon

    neonspoon Guest

    I understand what you mean, i just had a terrible panic attack and i dont knwo what i would have done without my girlfriend here. But we are both still here, and as terrible as we feel, i had everything ready to hang myself, not but 30 mins ago, and now im talking to you, and we are both here to help each other. PM me anytime, i dont really sleep at all
     
  13. Scubakiki

    Scubakiki Active Member

    I really don't think I can do it.

    I honestly, do not.

    My Dad leaves tomorrow and I am going to FREAK out, I'm scared of what I'm capable of doing.

    I'm on the edge.
     
  14. Scubakiki

    Scubakiki Active Member

    So it took 6 hours of discussing it with my parents, and hours of me beating myself up, but I've come to a decision and I'm leaving California and coming back home.

    I'm suicidal here. I don't fit in. I hate my room mates, and I feel completely helpless without anyone in my family here, without any support. And without any support here, I know I would make a rash decision.

    And while I love the ocean, while I like my school, my life is more important.

    I'm still going to be a marine biologist. I'm just going to do it a different way than I originally planned.

    I feel like a failure and I am extremely disappointed in myself, but I am going through with it.
     
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