Thinking of going to crisis

[bethygal83]

So I’ve come to the point where I’m not safe. I’ve told my mom that I want to die. I feel that is the only way to end my misery and how messed up my mind is. I am not normal nor do i feel normal anymore. I feel like I’m going crazy and I know it. I had an earlier appointment with the nurse cause I just couldn’t take it anymore. She adjusted my meds. She said that the gabapentin might be my problem and put me on topamx. She didn’t raise my Prozac despite me telling her I was depressed. I lied and said I wasn’t suicidal cause I just couldn’t be bothered at the time with an inpatient stay. But now things are bad. I don’t feel in control of my mind. Reality seems not real and sometimes I hear voices. I had to cut down seroquel cause the panic attacks it was causing was so bad. But I have to be on an anti psychotic cause of the voices. I was on risperdone for one day and it caused panic attacks and psychosis so I had to quit. I’ve also been on zyprexa before the only thing left to try is ability. Seems like nothing is helping is all and I am just getting worse. I’ve had mental health issues my whole life and it’s just something I’ve dealt with. I’ve been in the psych ward maybe 6+ times since I was a teen. There hasn’t been a time in my life I’ve haven’t been depressed or wanted to die.

 

[1964dodge]

if you are in crises please go to the hospital or call the crises line. from the way you sound you need to be evaluated. they may need to adjust your meds and for safety may require another inpatient stay. but it will be worth it if they can find the right combination of meds at the right dose. please be safe and talk to someone. mike

 

[Petal]

Hi @bethygal83

You need to be honest with the mental health workers and tell them you are suicidal or they cannot help you in any way, if it means going inpatient then so be it, it will keep you safe and out of harms way
.
Sorry to hear you have had such bad luck with medication, hopefully Abilify will work wonders for you.

I think you should first let them know how you're feeling -as soon as possible then see if the medication tweaking helps, go forwards from there.

I hope you check back in with us later today and update us on your progress. We are here for you, there's a lot of people here that can relate.

Best wishes xoxo

 

[bethygal83]

Hi @bethygal83

You need to be honest with the mental health workers and tell them you are suicidal or they cannot help you in any way, if it means going inpatient then so be it, it will keep you safe and out of harms way
.
Sorry to hear you have had such bad luck with medication, hopefully Abilify will work wonders for you.

I think you should first let them know how you're feeling -as soon as possible then see if the medication tweaking helps, go forwards from there.

I hope you check back in with us later today and update us on your progress. We are here for you, there's a lot of people here that can relate.

Best wishes xoxo

Truth is I haven’t been taking care of myself properly I’ve been on the verge of tears for days now. I haven’t been sleeping that well. This may sound gross and I am so embrassed about this I took a bath today it’s s been about a week or maybe more. I’ve just been so depressed I just been neglecting caring for myself. I’m an awful mess going to reach out to a crisis hotline today and go later to our center. Luckily we have a crisis center that is open late. Thanks everyone I am glad I can come here and someone will listen to me.

 

[Petal]

Hiya, i'm glad it helps you to come on here and talk freely to us about how you are doing

There's no shame in not having a shower for a week, its not ideal but its not like you wanted that to happen, its most likely the depression dragging you down into self neglect but the fact you did it today is perhaps a sign you are feeling a bit better??

I hope the crisis line helps you and remember that we are here for you too. Happy to hear they are open late. That is a plus.

Please check back in and let us know how you get on, we care

 

[bethygal83]

Hiya, i'm glad it helps you to come on here and talk freely to us about how you are doing

There's no shame in not having a shower for a week, its not ideal but its not like you wanted that to happen, its most likely the depression dragging you down into self neglect but the fact you did it today is perhaps a sign you are feeling a bit better??

I hope the crisis line helps you and remember that we are here for you too. Happy to hear they are open late. That is a plus.

Please check back in and let us know how you get on, we care

The only reason I got a bath was because I could smell myself and it was getting bad. Plus I had to go to the store for my mom. I’m trying to get out and do things. I’m not feeling better though pretty much the same. Depressed having panic attack and hearing voices sometimes but that is not as bad as it once was. There was a point last fall I was really bad and I don’t know why I didn’t check myself in then. I think the whole reality feeling fake thing gets me and the depression. I’m off gabapentin they initially thought that may be the cause of that. I also started smoking again. I quit for two years and now I’m back smoking even more my nerves are just shot. I hate to rely on smoking.

 

[1964dodge]

The only reason I got a bath was because I could smell myself and it was getting bad. Plus I had to go to the store for my mom. I’m trying to get out and do things. I’m not feeling better though pretty much the same. Depressed having panic attack and hearing voices sometimes but that is not as bad as it once was. There was a point last fall I was really bad and I don’t know why I didn’t check myself in then. I think the whole reality feeling fake thing gets me and the depression. I’m off gabapentin they initially thought that may be the cause of that. I also started smoking again. I quit for two years and now I’m back smoking even more my nerves are just shot. I hate to rely on smoking.

 

[bethygal83]

Thank you that is so sweet! Called a sleep clinic hopefully they can help me get some sleep. I’ve had awful restless leg at night. And I’ve not been sleeping. And when I do sleep i get broken sleep. It is awful I just cannot get myself to sleep. My mom thinks my ex calling me has a lot of do with my problems. He is upset with me because I gained weight. Can’t help I’ve been through mental hell and I ate as a coping mechanism. I know I’m fat and I’m embarrassed about it and I’m working on it but my mental health comes first.

 

[Petal]

He is upset with me because I gained weight

What the...? Screw him. How dare he be upset with you for gaining weight. Who does he think he is?

Ignore him and tell him you don't want his opinion. I think many of us here have weight issues due to medication or comfort eating.

Hope you feel better soon, have a look around the self care and healthy lifestyles forum, there's some great threads there.

 

[Were all together]

@Petal is right. Don't let him bring you down. Self esteem is the biggest hurdle in overcoming depression. Once you feel good about yourself, you'll notice a difference in your mood. You have no one to answer to, but you.

 

[1964dodge]

the weight issue is important for your health. you know this but as said before a lot of people have weight issues. mines is because I quit smoking, meds, and i'm not as active. but no matter the issue your weight is up to you and no one else. don't let your ex bf or anyone else put you down. take care of yourself first your mental health is important. and sleep is important and I know how bad sleep can affect you. pursue trying to get better sleep and working to get to a healthy weight for you. as @Petal said there are healthy lifestyle threads here check them out. and keep posting we are listening and we care, and we will never judge you. mike

 

[bethygal83]

What the...? Screw him. How dare he be upset with you for gaining weight. Who does he think he is?

Ignore him and tell him you don't want his opinion. I think many of us here have weight issues due to medication or comfort eating.

Hope you feel better soon, have a look around the self care and healthy lifestyles forum, there's some great threads there.

Well the situation with us is complicated I can only say he is about 30 years older than me. And when I was skinny I was more like a trophy to him. He says we can’t have an intimate relationship cause I am fat. Honestly at this point that is far from my mind. He says he still loves me but I’m fat. He called a few days ago but I haven’t heard from him since. He is Mr. healthy eater and exercise which don’t get me wrong is wonderful and how i lost weight before. I just all of a sudden got sick last summer and I really think it had a lot to do with his mental abuse. He has yelled at me before and has a temper. But like a dog I am loyal. My home life isn’t good either I have a father who put me down my whole life. He was abusive towards me and my mom and he still is to this day. He calls me fat all the time. I’ve been pretty much messed up my whole life and I feel hopeless. I get angry when I wake up at the fact that I woke up. Another day of living hell. I’m just miserable and I don’t know why I am living.

 

[Were all together]

Get rid of him. You can do 10x better on your own.

 

[Mymindsmine]

What the...? Screw him. How dare he be upset with you for gaining weight. Who does he think he is?

Ignore him and tell him you don't want his opinion. I think many of us here have weight issues due to medication or comfort eating.

Hope you feel better soon, have a look around the self care and healthy lifestyles forum, there's some great threads there.

Well the situation with us is complicated I can only say he is about 30 years older than me. And when I was skinny I was more like a trophy to him. He says we can’t have an intimate relationship cause I am fat. Honestly at this point that is far from my mind. He says he still loves me but I’m fat. He called a few days ago but I haven’t heard from him since. He is Mr. healthy eater and exercise which don’t get me wrong is wonderful and how i lost weight before. I just all of a sudden got sick last summer and I really think it had a lot to do with his mental abuse. He has yelled at me before and has a temper. But like a dog I am loyal. My home life isn’t good either I have a father who put me down my whole life. He was abusive towards me and my mom and he still is to this day. He calls me fat all the time. I’ve been pretty much messed up my whole life and I feel hopeless. I get angry when I wake up at the fact that I woke up. Another day of living hell. I’m just miserable and I don’t know why I am living.

His opinion of you as fat is only one persons opinion . If he is a judgemental , non accepting , kind , loving person the he needs to do one. He isn’t worthy of you loyalty and love. If he validates your love just on your size the what does that say about him. It makes him shallow about visual appearance so In long term he doesn’t meet your intellect In first place.

 

[Mymindsmine]

What the...? Screw him. How dare he be upset with you for gaining weight. Who does he think he is?

Ignore him and tell him you don't want his opinion. I think many of us here have weight issues due to medication or comfort eating.

Hope you feel better soon, have a look around the self care and healthy lifestyles forum, there's some great threads there.

Well the situation with us is complicated I can only say he is about 30 years older than me. And when I was skinny I was more like a trophy to him. He says we can’t have an intimate relationship cause I am fat. Honestly at this point that is far from my mind. He says he still loves me but I’m fat. He called a few days ago but I haven’t heard from him since. He is Mr. healthy eater and exercise which don’t get me wrong is wonderful and how i lost weight before. I just all of a sudden got sick last summer and I really think it had a lot to do with his mental abuse. He has yelled at me before and has a temper. But like a dog I am loyal. My home life isn’t good either I have a father who put me down my whole life. He was abusive towards me and my mom and he still is to this day. He calls me fat all the time. I’ve been pretty much messed up my whole life and I feel hopeless. I get angry when I wake up at the fact that I woke up. Another day of living hell. I’m just miserable and I don’t know why I am living.

Your core your personality and your soul is what it is. Skinny or fat you are who you are . You mind , interlect, hobbies interest don’t change on outside. Your shell fat or thin is merely an outfit to who you are inside and if he cannot accept the outfit the. Fuxk him. How dare he judge your core just because your outside doesn’t fit his ideal. It’s him who needs to develop his mind not you change your body,

 

[1964dodge]

if he only thinks about your looks cut him loose. you will only get worse with this kind of abuse. you can meet someone better, someone that cares for you the whole person, not just your body. please try to realize your total self worth and be happy with yourself. if you want to lose weight do it for you and no one else. mike

 

[Mymindsmine]

What the...? Screw him. How dare he be upset with you for gaining weight. Who does he think he is?

Ignore him and tell him you don't want his opinion. I think many of us here have weight issues due to medication or comfort eating.

Hope you feel better soon, have a look around the self care and healthy lifestyles forum, there's some great threads there.

Well the situation with us is complicated I can only say he is about 30 years older than me. And when I was skinny I was more like a trophy to him. He says we can’t have an intimate relationship cause I am fat. Honestly at this point that is far from my mind. He says he still loves me but I’m fat. He called a few days ago but I haven’t heard from him since. He is Mr. healthy eater and exercise which don’t get me wrong is wonderful and how i lost weight before. I just all of a sudden got sick last summer and I really think it had a lot to do with his mental abuse. He has yelled at me before and has a temper. But like a dog I am loyal. My home life isn’t good either I have a father who put me down my whole life. He was abusive towards me and my mom and he still is to this day. He calls me fat all the time. I’ve been pretty much messed up my whole life and I feel hopeless. I get angry when I wake up at the fact that I woke up. Another day of living hell. I’m just miserable and I don’t know why I am living.

What the...? Screw him. How dare he be upset with you for gaining weight. Who does he think he is?

Ignore him and tell him you don't want his opinion. I think many of us here have weight issues due to medication or comfort eating.

Hope you feel better soon, have a look around the self care and healthy lifestyles forum, there's some great threads there.

Well the situation with us is complicated I can only say he is about 30 years older than me. And when I was skinny I was more like a trophy to him. He says we can’t have an intimate relationship cause I am fat. Honestly at this point that is far from my mind. He says he still loves me but I’m fat. He called a few days ago but I haven’t heard from him since. He is Mr. healthy eater and exercise which don’t get me wrong is wonderful and how i lost weight before. I just all of a sudden got sick last summer and I really think it had a lot to do with his mental abuse. He has yelled at me before and has a temper. But like a dog I am loyal. My home life isn’t good either I have a father who put me down my whole life. He was abusive towards me and my mom and he still is to this day. He calls me fat all the time. I’ve been pretty much messed up my whole life and I feel hopeless. I get angry when I wake up at the fact that I woke up. Another day of living hell. I’m just miserable and I don’t know why I am living.

His opinion of you as fat is only one persons opinion . If he is a judgemental , non accepting , kind , loving person the he needs to do one. He isn’t worthy of you loyalty and love. If he validates your love just on your size the what does that say about him. It makes him shallow about visual appearance so In long term he doesn’t meet your intellect In first place.

If he has issues over his weight due to mental abuse then he should understand you more. It makes me so angry to feel that he is projecting his issues on your weight .

 

[bethygal83]

*grouphug You guys made me tear up a bit! You all are super sweet.it’s nice to be around such nice, caring, understanding people. But you are all right he doesn’t deserve me at all. And at this point I think he is what is bringing me down and causing me to have depression and anxiety. Perhaps when I get rid of him for good my mood will improve and I will feel better about myself. Right now I don’t need his crap. Marilyn Monroe said it best “if you can’t handle me at my worst you can’t handle me at my best” thanks guys and gals I really appreciate all the kind words and support it really is helping me get through a really rough time.

 

[Mymindsmine]

It’s not about getting rid it’s about valuing yourself so whatever life throws at you you can just simply be happy being you xxx big hugs

 

[bethygal83]

It’s not about getting rid it’s about valuing yourself so whatever life throws at you you can just simply be happy being you xxx big hugs

I feel if i get rid of him my problems would be better but then again they could get worse. Seen my doctor today I have a little bit of improvement but
I’m still getting panic attacks and not sleeping and
I’m still very depressed so we decided to focus on the depression. I still feel out of place and different from everyone else I still don’t feel normal