I think I'm deluding myself if I think if I can keep this up. There really isn't that much left that I care up about anymore. The more I ponder where my life is, the I just want to work on an exit strategy. I could make a quiet exit and it would literally be days before anyone would even notice. I simply don't fit in with anyone's world anymore. Sooner I accept this as fact, the better off I'm going to be. All I crave is release from this existence. Whether I simply cease to exist or am consigned to hell, at least I'll no longer be in this hell. I've made to many mistakes to believe I have any chance at heaven. That's for people much better than me. I simply exist and really offer nothing special. A few people might be sad at my passing, but then they barely noticed while I was here. It won't last very long. Sometimes I think that self awareness is an evil joke. My preference would simply to not be, just not exist. That would be true heaven. It probably won't be like that, but better or worse, what I'm suffering through now would be over. I'm just tired. And I've taken up enough of everybody's time. I no longer wish to be a bother to anyone else. And I know if I remain, that is all I will truly be.