thinking of it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lleeroy, May 2, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. lleeroy

    lleeroy New Member

    Been suffering from severe depression for last six months plucked up the courage to go to the doctor last week.
    He put me on fluoxetine and referred me to a psychiatric nurse.Been having dark thoughts and have been getting steadily worse.
    Im married with 2 kids my wife tries to understand but i don't tell her everything don't want her to worry.
    Recently im starting to plan my death how i would do where it would take place i don't think, in fact i know it cant go on like this.
     
  2. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF hun. i hope you find some comfort here.
    im sorry you feel so aweful and the need to end it. id just like to ask though, what would your kids say if they knew their daddy died and it wasnt an accident? i hope you find the strength to reach out here and stay with us. :hug:
     
  3. lleeroy

    lleeroy New Member

    Its only my kids that have kept me going but im not being a good dad at the moment i live in a bubble i speak as if Ive had a stroke.
    i used to be outgoing the joker in a crowd, ppl are starting to notice somethings wrong.
    When the doctor told me i was depressed ive never felt so embarrassed ppl will think im nuts im not hearing voices or anything like that but i do feel like im going mad.
     
  4. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    you say you have a psych? are they helping at all? are you getting any other kind of support? you shouldnt be embarrassed about being depressed. alot of ppl are. maybe even some ppl you know, they just dont let on that they are.
     
  5. minime

    minime Well-Known Member

    Hi, new here too. Like you, it is my kid who keeps me going. Typing away here and seeing that I am not alone helps me. I am glad you found this site. It seems like there are a lot of people who can empathize with us on this forum.
     
  6. lleeroy

    lleeroy New Member

    Been referred to a psych he or she have not been in touch yet its the nhs so i don't hold out much hope for it being any time soon.
     
  7. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    dont underestimate them, honestly. i was referred and they were there the next day! maybe i was just lucky but they were great. i know everyone says their crap or whatever but they really helped me. hang on in there. keep talking here, it really helps :smile:
     
  8. minime

    minime Well-Known Member

    About the embarrassment about being "nuts"...I used to feel like that, too but believe me everyone has some form of mental disorder. We are all trying to cope with something. There is no such thing as normal. I found a lot of peace when I accepted that I am crazy just like everyone else.

    Even those who seem successful are crazy. Warren Buffet with his gajillions would not spend 8 bucks to buy a new golf glove and would rather get a nasty blister to save his 8 bucks. That is not normal. Don't worry, we are all coping with life- some are simply better actors.
     
  9. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    well said!
     
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I think you need to keep your appt. With the nurse practtioner..Tell her everything.. They may want you to go to the hospital.. Don't be afraid it's not that bad.. Bring a book though because you do alot of waiting..You need to think about your kids.. You dieing isn't going to be a good legacy to leave them..It will affect them the rest of there lives..I have suicidal thoughts daily but thru therapy I have learned to live with them..So please seek the help that is available..
     
  11. lleeroy

    lleeroy New Member

    i dont and never have been comfortable expressing my feelings ( i mean i kiss and hug my kids and wife) but talking about feelings with a stranger fills me with dread. I dont stay in a city i stay in a wee village in scotland and everyone and i mean everyone knows everyone and their business.
    i dread it getting out and ppl treating me different how will family react i dont feel like going on anymore im exausted.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.