thinking of leaving my girlfriend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by kingwingin, Dec 3, 2013.

  1. kingwingin

    kingwingin Member

    Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and things were awesome but now im very unhappy. She talks down to me and has explosive moments of anger where she screams at me when I mess up and she calls me names.

    Ive never once called her a name, yelled at her, threatened her or hit her yet she has done all this to me, mostly in the last 2 years. She suffers from anxiety and it on medication so ive kinda been putting up with it.

    In the last few months I found out she lied about how many sexual partners shes had, there have been other things like she went skinny dipping with some guys at the cabin when she was drunk and lied about that but later felt guilty and told the truth.

    One of the reasons I havent left yet is fear of messing up, maybe I will be alone forever and that scares me a lot. Maybe she is actually very wonderfull to me and im just over exageratimg things... but I doubt it.

    Recently ive grown out my beard and a girl at my work has taken a strong liking to and it has made me contemplate cheating, I have justified it in my head already and do plan to go through with it but a part of me is now saying to run away from the releationship all together.

    Not sure what to think right now, just kinda throwing my thoughts down in this thread to hopefully help me understand myself a bit better or if anyone has been in the same situation and has advice.

    Im sorry if my post is full of grammar errors and spelling mistakes, its definetly not my strong point.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    If it is not working with you and your girlfriend than you owe it to yourself and her to make changes. Whether that is to find a way to communicate to make it better or to leave is up in the air but clearly it is not working for you now and based on how you say she is acting it is reasonable to presume it is not working for her either. I am unsure why you say you will be alone forever and yet at the same time mention there are other opportunities readily available to you .... I personally suspect "cheating" would in the long run add to stress and guilt but moving on away from a relationship that is no longer working is perfectly reasonable. The discussions about past sexual partners - if they were before you and not while you are together is really not overly important to me - when people get together it is not really strange that they do not want to appear loose or easy or judged-- and none of it is true - it is simply history - unless you are looking for an excuse as to why it would be "okay" to have a dalliance with another woman yourself.
    Just make sure that the real reason you are considering moving on is because it is not working and not just appeal of some extra attention from another woman they could be gone in a couple weeks when no longer "new and exciting".
  3. kingwingin

    kingwingin Member

    Sorry I meant the being alone part as how I felt a few months back, that has changed since ive been talking to this new girl.

    The past sexual partners isnt important except for the fact it was a lie, she has lied about thimgs before and this just adds to it. For awhile there she was smoking in secret and that caused me to much pain. She would lie and say it was someone else smoking around her. What makes it worse is her mentality is no lie is acceptable but it seems like she picks and chooses when that rule is in effect.

    I feel more like her son than boyfriend

    I find it very difficult to transfer thoughts into writing, so if it seems lime there is missing info in my story, I probably just forgot to write it down. Thats actually the last thing my girlfriend got mad at me for. Not explaining a joke well enough

    Also a few months back my gf came with me with the same issue about being scared about being stuck in a relationship, cold feet kinda deal but I talked her into not leaving. But since then ive had many panic attacks about her leaving and me being alone.

    Ive tried talking to her about issues but she can talk circles around me and get me to appologize for stuff she did.

    Again sorry if this post seems fragmented.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2013
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Just do whatever makes you happy and treat others the way you want to be treated, you're doing a great job so far. Considering cheating is not cheating yet. How will you feel if she actually cheated on you? If you intend to follow through, will it make you feel worse on yourself? Fantasizing is okay. Doing it in reality might be a different ball game.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Instead of cheating go to couple councilling and get help to see if the relationship can be save if not then move on with the other girl but do not move on until you know for sure this relationship is through