Thinking of leaving wife

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by mpk, May 7, 2016.

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  1. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    i am seriously thinking of selling all my property and all jointly owned property and leaving my spouse. I have tried to talk to her about the depression and financial issues.
    The feeling is she does not care to talk about any of it. I feel the 14 years of marriage have been a joke. As long as I was working and paying the majority of all livings expenses it was fine.
    Now that I am unable to do so my wife's attitude towards me has changed. I feel the last few years I was viewed as just a paycheck.
     
  2. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    Wow I am really sorry to hear that.
    What does your wife say when you tell her about depression?
     
  3. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    She makes statements like you are not as depressed as you think you are.
     
  4. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    That is one stupid statement.
    It is like seeing a happy person and saying, "you are not as happy as you think you are."
     
  5. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    Does she have a job?
     
  6. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    No, she is disabled with Lupus and receives disability.
     
  7. CodeX

    CodeX Controversial Figure

    The same way my parents acted when I was not working, now that I am away and working they are complaining why don't I contact them often
     
  8. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear that.
    I guess she is not in a very healthy mental place now. Because lupus is a tough ilness to cope.
     
  9. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    Did you try couples therapy?
     
  10. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Thanks to both of you for reply. I don't have insurance so counseling at this time is not an option and frankly I believe she would not participate anyway.
     
  11. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    You are welcome. :)
    I am so sorry to hear that.
    What would be her reason for not participating?
     
  12. Khvde

    Khvde Well-Known Member

    By the way I am sorry for not coming up with smarter comments. I really wish I could say something helpful.
     
  13. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    At this time I can't put my finger on why she would not participate due to her viewing my situation as my problem alone.
     
  14. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    No worries. I know that each situation is unique to the person involved
     
  15. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry to hear it's come to this point and you don't feel you have the support you need.

    I can't tell you whether or not you should leave, but maybe you could make a list of pros and cons of life with her, and a list of your life without her?
    I don't know if you belong to a church, or what your religion is, (and I don't know how churches work over there...) but here a lot of priests offer a form of couples counseling to church goers. Could you look into that?

    And ultimately, I have seen a lot of couples have good results from this; what about trying to live apart for a couple of months to 'try it on'? Some couples do split after that, but some do find each other and start to appreciate the other person a lot more...

    I have no idea if any of these are good advice, I'm not one to give marriage advice...

    But know that you are the most important in this matter, of course she matters too, but you and your mental health is important!
     
  16. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your advice phantomlady
     
  17. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sorry you feel this way. If your wife was more sympathetic would it be different? People do have funny ways of reacting with mental illness thinking their physical illness trumps over mental illness. Maybe she views her Lupus is more valid than your depression because its physically seen/proven .

    Some people will never understand what it really is like being through our heads at the moment they just judge and dismiss it.
    Next time your wife scoffs at you then maybe you could ask how she would have felt if no one took her Lupus seriously?
     
  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi mpk, I know the feeling. I was with my last boyfriend 2.5 years, as long as my mom paid all of the rent he was happy and as long as all the bills were in my name he was happy. I was used and mentally abused. Maybe though your wife is ignorant as to how depession can effect someone so severely? Maybe take her to an appointment with you, do you think that would do any good? If you choose to leave your wife how do you think you would cope, better off or worse off? We are here for you no matter what, please remember that you are never alone :)
     
  19. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You have to do what feels right to you. If you're truly unhappy and you don't feel she'll ever make an effort to understand you, then I don't blame you for considering leaving.
     
  20. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Thank you everyone for your advice. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have to figure out what is best for me.
     
    WildCherry likes this.
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