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Thinking of suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Talia862, Jul 10, 2016.

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  1. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    I am feeling really bad. I have something in my kitchen I can use to kill myself,and I can't stop thinking about it.

    I have the most wonderful friends in the world, but I don't want to keep burdening them with my talk of suicide. I know they would be devastated if I killed myself, I feel bad thinking about it. I want to be selfish, and not care, and just do it. At least I would hav peace and no more pain. I am in such pain emotionally and mostly physically. I have terrible chronic physical pain that limits my ability to do anything. My condition just seems to get worse and worse. I went to a convention and I had to use a wheelchair, and I'm not getting better. I want euthanasia, and its legal in some areas I could probably get assisted suicide if I applied, but its illegal in my state.

    It is ironic becuase just a few days ago someone brought up the topic of suicide on facebook and I said that I felt I had no right to take my own life because my life doesnt' belong just to me but also to the people who love me. But now I just want the pain to go away. No one understands what its like to live in constant agony.

    I feel like a hypocrite, but I dont' want to be in physical pain anymore. Its' awful and I keep thinking of everything could achieve if I want' so sick. I have having RA, it has ruined my life.
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    Sorry to hear you are in such pain. Have you exhausted all possible treatments and meds. There are some pretty good books out there for dealing with RA. Diet changes, and exercise are supposed to help. I do hope you find relief.
    I do live in a state were doc assisted suicide is available. But there are stringent requirements. You need the approval of multiple doctors, and have to be near death due to terminal illness. It just is not a good answer.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Talia, I am sorry you are in such severe pain that you are considering taking your own life but please know we here understand suicidal thoughts and feelings very well, maybe too well. As sillyoldbear has said have you exhausted all options? Please don't take your life, there are probably more treatments options you can get, please look into them (hugs)
  4. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    I am feeling so upset. The physical pain wasn't as bad today but i am so, so, so depressed. IT hurts inside, like a deep black pit. I am hurting so much I don't now which is worse physical pain like the other day or emotional like this. i want to kill myself so bad. I am gong to be able to kill myself I mean have a thing to do it. I really want to. just don't want to hurt my friends.
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