I am feeling really bad. I have something in my kitchen I can use to kill myself,and I can't stop thinking about it. I have the most wonderful friends in the world, but I don't want to keep burdening them with my talk of suicide. I know they would be devastated if I killed myself, I feel bad thinking about it. I want to be selfish, and not care, and just do it. At least I would hav peace and no more pain. I am in such pain emotionally and mostly physically. I have terrible chronic physical pain that limits my ability to do anything. My condition just seems to get worse and worse. I went to a convention and I had to use a wheelchair, and I'm not getting better. I want euthanasia, and its legal in some areas I could probably get assisted suicide if I applied, but its illegal in my state. It is ironic becuase just a few days ago someone brought up the topic of suicide on facebook and I said that I felt I had no right to take my own life because my life doesnt' belong just to me but also to the people who love me. But now I just want the pain to go away. No one understands what its like to live in constant agony. I feel like a hypocrite, but I dont' want to be in physical pain anymore. Its' awful and I keep thinking of everything could achieve if I want' so sick. I have having RA, it has ruined my life.