I never thought I would become suicidal, and maybe I am not. Maybe I am just a whiner who needs attention. Lately I have been thinking more and more about THE END. Specifically I have wondered what it would be like for someone to push me into a fatal car accident. Then it wouldn't be suicide, but I would certainly welcome it. Around where I live, there is a long turn lane that ends with a stop sign as it curves into the next road. Almost everyone treats it as a yield and does not stop unless traffic is coming. But I stop every time I reach a stop sign. Some day I will be rear-ended and pushed into oncoming traffic, and if things work out as I would like, a big truck will come along and totally cream me. Even if I don't die, maybe I will be laid up somewhere, unable to work or do anything for a while. Then I will be able to see how many people remember me, while I am not doing anything for them. Maybe then I can lose weight and not be a fat slob anymore. Maybe I will need surgery on my face so I won't be as ugly. Or maybe everyone would be better off without me. I mean, it's not as if I can afford a hospital bill, even with insurance. I sometimes picture my funeral, all 2 or 3 people there. Everyone else will be working or just not give a damn. My boss will replace me and the place will run better than ever. My few friends will get along just fine after a brief moment of thinking about how much of a drag I was. This is not cool at all. Normal people are out LIVING, not sitting at their computers telling the whole world about how they can DIE. What is my problem? Where did I go wrong? I'm afraid I will be found out. I don't want anyone to reach me at home or anything. Please tell me this is anonymous.