this bank holiday weekend

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hache, May 24, 2008.

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  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    messed up, big part of me wants to die

    i dont have any friends left, not 1, i mucked up university twice, i mucked up a home course, i have massive debt with nothing to show for it. I seemingly cant change without independence, 20 and stuck in parents house in this room, health has got bad. Poor diet, under eating, no excersise, severe chest pains.

    Got a part time job, it was ok, but now i dont want to go back, i have just got back off holiday, i have work on tuesday, i dont want to go, i dont want to last the weekend, i want to die or run away but dont want to hurt my family. Holiday was rubbish, i am 20 and went away with parents? loser, was crap, boring, walked the streets seeing people with their friends, seeing good looking people, seeing younger people than me on holiday together, seeing young couples.

    Never had a girlfriend, and whilst most will just say "you're still young" it doesnt matter, media and society makes sure i feel inadequate and a failure. Surrounded at work by 17, 18 year olds with lives, lives i never had, i never went out, i never had relationships and seemingly never will as its too late now, freedom gone, i blew university, didnt turn up, now it looks like being pushed down the time to work full time route, so i lose my life and slave away whilst having nothing, i need to get away. This house, street, town is reminding me what i'm not. It should have left the good memories but all i can think of is how it was back when it was good and what the people i knew have gone onto.

    I cant last past the weekend.

    I am never going to have what the media and society pressure is to have and i am always going to feel inadequate, i am sick of people saying you can have it one day. Can i really thats nice, how!!!!! Thats all that matters, i have no direction, no career, no future, looks like no freedom, no friends, cant make it, dont know how, blew it all

    Cant go back to work, just cant, thats me though, a quiter, i quit everything, when the going gets tough i am not good enough.

    I opened sort of to my parents a while ago, they wanted to help of course, but nothing has materialised and they seemingly think i have loads of time to think, but when you want to die you dont have time. I need to get away but i never told them that, there isnt anywhere for me to go, i blew the chance to go to uni, thats the way people gain freedom, that and moving in with friends or a girlfriend, i have neither, one i havent had for 2 years and the other never in my life.
  2. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    Since you have a job, try taking this as an oppotunity to make friends.

    Try blocking out some bad feelings and start eating right. A good diet would help.
  3. Poirot

    Poirot Guest

    hello hache

    im very much like you, check my threads. im still stuck at home at 24. i did get thru uni but cant get a decent job becuase i dont have the personality. ive never had a GF either. i dont have freinds.

    i would like to talk you, do u have MSN or something. i dont really wana PM you becuase ill be upset if you dont reply. i just wanna talk to someone like me. i know you said you have no friends, like myself, but i want to have one but someone who understands.

    please PM me if you want to talk

    im just sat at home on my playstation all 3 days
  4. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Hi, im like you in some way, if you want you can add me on msn. We can talk sometimes.
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I'm also just like you, 20 (will be 21 on the 28th of May), no friends, never had GF, go to places with my parents and little brother, instead of my peers like all the other teens and older. Its completely pathetic I know.

    I don't come on these forums much, but I totally sympathize with you, I read your thread and wanted to reply to it since we have so much in common. Your not alone in your situation, far from it! There's lots of people here who sympathize as well.

    And I know how frustrating it is to be surrounded by all the normal folks and society and the media showing you as a loser, a freak because you still go out with your parents and have no girlfriend. How terrible, that you have to fit these stereotypes and yet when your young in elementary school, they teach you to be proud of who you are, be yourself!

    And you feel that everything is against you, your already behind your peers, you wish you could turn back the clock to do the things you should have done but its too late.

    Sorry for rambling on, but yes, you are not alone, I can relate to you perfectly. Maybe if I wasn't so stupid and spent a lot more time here on these wonderful forums, I hope I can get to talk to you. I hope you get to feeling better soon. I know the pain your in. :smile:
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2008
  6. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    hi guys thanks.

    I made a big big mistake.

    I had to talk to parents about what to do, but i was getting annoyed at how easy they thought things would be and how its just depression, so spur of the moment i said how much part of me wants to die and how i use to cut myself.

    I have ruined everything, i am such an idiot, i will never be able to look them in the eye again now they know my deepest darkest secret. I have ruined home life, i have lost all pride and all dreams. I am never going to get independence now, i have mucked up, living at home was a large part of the problem, i am fucked now.

    Now its a big fuss as to how i am, trying to do things and making them cry and worry. What have i done!

    My dad is going to drag me down to doctors for meds and therapy.

    They've managed to guilt trip me into not doing anything to myself so now inside i am about to explode.
  7. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    I understand that for now this is a horrible situation to be in, horrible beyond words and that u wish u hadnt burst out tellin them, but it could be the start of a healing process. i know uve always said those things wouldnt help u, but maybe (and hopfully) you can now learn that they do. I might have been quiet and made you feel like Ive given up on you, but maybe Ive only given up on myself and my ability to be there for someone else. I hope that things will get better for you Mike x
  8. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    It's the start to healing. Try pulling through this part.

    As you can tell, many people still care and are concerned about you.

    If you have to explode, try doing it as safely as possible.
  9. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    i did it i did it i did it, i told him, i said i want to go to uni and what i want to do and where, oh my, i did it i did it i did it, its taken 4 months

    but strangely the feeling isnt that great, erm, hmm, maybe it is yet to kick in!
  10. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    Im very proud of you Mike!
  11. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad it got out.

    Sometines the feeling will kick in immideately, sometimes you will feel worse for a bit, but in the end, you will feel better and life should improve.
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