God damned it. I just get so fucking tired of being alive, being human, existing in this fucking miserable place. I don't even know what category my ass could belong. I just don't want to be alive anymore. Alive, in the most literal sense. I'm sick of not having the control that I want. I want to be a fully independent being. I don't want to be controlled by primal instincts, or bodily functions. Fuck that bullshit. I'm not a god damned robot. I'm sick of living according to what my body wants, or what some stimuli cause me to do! I want full independence. I don't want to have to go to sleep. I don't want to have to piss or shit or eat or drink. This existence is bullshit! A human being in this fucking era is like a damn robot. You eat and you shit and fuck and you sleep and you die, and all the shit in between in fucking MEANINGLESS. How pointless. WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT!? Living is so ridiculous. I can't even rationally justify LIFE. All I want to do is experience, because that's what I WANT; not an obligation. Not a necessity. Fuck that. I want to do what I want to do, period. And I'm tired of being fucking impeded by these primitive functions, that I just want to end them. The only problem with that is that I won't be able to experience any longer. And that's all I really want to do. Sigh. Maybe I'm missing something. The experience of taking a shit is quite pleasant, and the ability to taste good food, and feel water on my tongue. All of that is great! But it's not great when it's a function that occurs involuntarily and gets in the way. Sleeping? Eating? Fuck that! I don't want to die nor become hungry if I choose not to fucking eat. I don't want to become drowsy or tired, or hazy if I choose not to fucking sleep. I don't want there to be any consequences if I choose to wake up in the morning when I feel like it! Fuck that! FUCK IT ALL. I don't know how to negotiate this shit with myself. Gah!