This Belongs to...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheCheshireKitty, Aug 22, 2007.

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  1. TheCheshireKitty

    TheCheshireKitty New Member

    So, I'm sure there are a lot of threads posted out there about suicidal feelings, and it makes me feel sad that other people feel that way. But here I am sitting by my computer feeling the same way. If you don't feel like reading/helping me and listening to a long story then you are not obliged to read on.

    I'm seventeen years old. Many people tell me that I have so much to live for, but it is hard to believe when I look back on my past and what has happened prior to me posting this. My dad decided that he was sick of my depression and had enough of me when I overdosed recently. He stopped caring, he really did. Now, I'm not going to go into detail as to how I was found when I overdosed, but all I'm wishing now is that I was never found. I feel so lonely, so abandoned. I feel like there is nothing out there, no one out there. I moved out of my dad's and moved in with my manager at my work. So far I'm getting along with everyone, but I can't help but feel that I have intruded on their lives. And all it seems is that I am a burden on them. I don't want to cause people pain, so I turn to the only thing that seems plausible. Suicide. If I end it now people would be so much better off. I mean it might cause pain to some for a little while, but in the long run they will thank me for what I did. I have PTSD(post traumatic stress disorder) and along with that comes flashbacks. I'm not sure if this is related to PTSD but I can picture clear images of something happening. For example right now I can see myself going upstairs and taking an overdose. But this time not failing. I can picture it so well, I can taste the pills slide down my throat chased with water. Why is this all so clear to me? Perhaps it's a sign that I should go through with it. Yes, I do believe it is a sign. I want to turn to this, so in a way this is my last note to the world.

    So if you are suicidal and you are reading this, strong, and hang in there. Don't be a fool like me.
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I dont think it's a sign, I think it's more picturing what you want. I do this too, see my self drinking the stuff then doing the 'other thing'. We want it so bad so we keep visualising it.
    you arnt a fool and i hope you know we can relate to you here :)
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Your not a fool. You have the strength in mind to talk about this. It takes alot to do something like that.

    Do you keep in contact with your father?
  4. TheCheshireKitty

    TheCheshireKitty New Member

    Yes, I keep contact with my father. Amazingly I made it through that night when I orginally made the thread. I guess I am strong at times.
  5. TheCheshireKitty

    TheCheshireKitty New Member

    So here I am, once again. Almost in the same situation only I found out today that my manager from Subway, who I live with, has told every single thing that I have told her to the guy that I like, who just so happens to also work with me. The one and only person that I thought cared about me in this world, the one person I was trying to hold on dearly for, has betrayed me. I have now seen her true colors. And why? Why is this happeneing to me? Maybe punishment. Who knows. I need advice..should I move back with my mom in a different state? My dad doesn't want me...

    The other bad thing is, my mom doesn't want me either.

    I'm so confused. I'm so unwanted.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2007
  6. weirdal

    weirdal Forum Buddy

    well you are not a fool, you may have been a fool, but you realize you were so you aint no fool.

    thanks for posting


  7. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi there

    I'm glad that you have not ended your life; i'm not sure whether your clear pictures in your mind regarding overdosing are a sign that you should do it though. It sounds more like your mind is preoccupied with overdosing. I had a similar thing when I was at university.. but i'm still here today :)

    Have you been able to speak to your manager and tell her how you're feeling about her massive break in confidence? I can totally understand how that would hurt and upset you.. and break your trust in her completely. I wish i had the answers as to where you could live, but i can only really think that it would be a good idea to tell your manager how you're feeling about this. Maybe you can work something out together.

    Please keep talking if it helps
    Jenny x
  8. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Stay strong and don't give up. Your Manager should not of said anything if you requested that. But I guess sometimes actions speak louder than words. If you want, enquire about why she told the other person.
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