This can't be my life!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Born Dead, Nov 2, 2010.

  1. Born Dead

    Born Dead Member

    When I was a kid, I knew I wanted to be a success. We all had dreams of being a police officer, a fire fighter or a doctor I'm sure. I know I did. All I ever worried about was what flavor chips I was going to eat for lunch. Then I turned 9 and it's like my life ended.
    This one event that I'm not even sure really happened started it all. If it was just a dream, it was the realist one I've ever had.
    Since then my life has gone backwards. Dropping out of school at 14, binge drinking myself almost into a coma several times, attempting suicide, being in and out of psych wards and police stations, on and off all sorts of medications. It's just been too much.
    My family practically gave up on me until this year, things were finally looking up. Now that I've entered back into the 'real world' it seems less real than ever. I just can't see how any of it matters. All the stuff we have created for ourselves is just one huge distraction. The only thing that was ever true was my suffering, and to know that just makes me want to give up, curl up in a ball and forget that I ever existed. Is this normal for someone recovering from mental illness? Do we just suddenly have this epiphany that makes us realize we are really so unimportant...or am I just being a cynic? I can't answer that and I don't expect anyone else to know the answer. I just hope someone else understands what it means to feel like nothing more than a grain of sand on a 3 mile long beach, which is what we are in the universe.
  2. loser

    loser Well-Known Member

    Your family - don't they matter?
    What is important - people who care.
    The neighbour's cat thinks I am important.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your suffering was true but it can be healed as you said with right therapy right meds your suffering is a part of you as your family they are true. we all feel like a grain of sand sometimes on that beach but each of us are different okay. We all have potential to make a difference in someones life to the people around us You have to find that passion of yours again and go for it okay You matter you are important you just have to see it.