This Disease Isn't Worth It

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by DLBach, Aug 14, 2014.

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  1. DLBach

    DLBach Well-Known Member

    Nearly ten years and no one seems to care. If only those who make the laws can hurt and feel as bad as I do. I just want it to be gone. If no one will kill this blasted dragon, then someone please KILL Me.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are suffering so much hugs
  3. DLBach

    DLBach Well-Known Member

    Yeah, everyone is always sorry. Everyone is always thinking about me. However NO ONE is ever really there for me. I give them until January 1, 2015 to find a cause AND a legitimate cure. <mod edit - timeline>. I've had it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 15, 2014
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    What is bothering you so much? I know after a while the ''im sorry'' loses it's meaning so I won't say that but what is it that is triggering you?
  5. DLBach

    DLBach Well-Known Member

    I have been fighting this disease for nearly ten years and fighting it alone. Everyone who was in my life before I got sick, well, they left. People can't be bothered when you can no longer do the things you used to do. All you get from them when YOU make the effort to reach out to them is "I'm sorry" or "You are always in my thoughts". Thoughts and "I'm sorry" just don't seem to cut it when you lie in bed for two days straight fighting vertigo or you are on the couch lying down most of the rest of the time clutching teddy bears and crying because you can't do anything else. This last bout (which I am still coming out of) was bad. I even tried the LifeLine site and clicked the button to chat with someone. Well, for them you can only be critical enough for them to chat with you from 2 pm till 2 am. I sent an email and received an automated email in return that they would get back to me in 24-48 hours. Even here yesterday, everyone seemed to be out for coffee when I went to the chat room.

    Being hearing impaired I can't really talk on phones and right now with my ears being even worse I can't use my headset or put anything in my ears to audio call via Skype. I am just not worthy enough for anyone to care that much. I am tired of fighting and since none of the governments of the world think this disease is worth the time and effort to do any real research,<mod edit - time line>, 2015 if they don't give me some kind of relief.

    Thank you, Petal, for caring enough to ask why.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 15, 2014
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You are welcome!

    Hey again... must be very difficult to have so many issues going on at once. Depression,vertigo,hearing loss. So what I will say is try and tackle them one at a time. I can only assume that you have been to the doctor with vertigo. Did they prescribe anything? I know a lot of people take vertigon for vertigo, seems to be the most popular.

    It does suck when you go back to old friends and they don't want to know you because of your issues, I'm going through that right now. It hurts. Counselling is excellent though and I'd highly recommend it, teaches you how to move forward, gives you the skills to help you cope.

    It's unusual for the chatroom to be that quiet, I'm guessing you just went in at a bad time, also you can private message members in chat by double clicking on their usernames. Most people are usually willing to talk and help out. Keep talking if it helps. :)

    If you are ever in a crisis or need to talk to someone you can private message me on the forum or chat :)
  7. DLBach

    DLBach Well-Known Member

    After my first surgery failed in 2006, I went to a psychologist. It is hard for me to trust people and took a while for me to trust him. Then four months after I was hospitalized in 2011, he decided he would no longer accept any type of insurance - cash only. Since then I have been doing video therapy with myself where once a week I talk to myself on a video journal on my computer. It helps to just vent it all. Technically, I am not depressed. Took my psychologist hospitalizing me in 2011 to understand that. I have a chronic illness and am fighting it alone. I just want it to go away. Within five minutes of being at the hospital and interacting with other human beings, I was better.

    I am on Xanax for the vertigo and use it when I am vertigo or feel I am going into a bout. Because of drug allergies my only other alternatives are Mechlazine and Valium. My triggers are stress, hormones and weather (i.e.: barometric activity). Having a chronic illness induces stress. There is no where in the world you can go where there is no barometric activity and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about hormones. The hearing loss is a byproduct of the disease. The only thing that can help level me out on any decent level is having grommets in both of my ears. They fell out more than two years ago and because my doctor has a policy of not seeing patients unless their bill is completely paid, I can't return to have them reinserted until I finish paying off that bill and when you make only $1000 a month on disability and have to pay all your other bills, that gets paid ultra slowly.

    My vertigo in each bout lasts about two days. Afterward (which is where I am at present) it takes about a week or so to fully get myself back in order as far as sleep, eating and other bodily functions are concerned. It is usually several days before my disposition is settled enough to interact with other human beings again. And yet, the United States government believes this is quality of life. I am just fed up and tired of fighting.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You don't have to fight this alone and that is true. I know that some people find it difficult to find the right therapist for them, it can take a few different ones to find the one suitable. I guess I was lucky, I have had great therapists and I trusted them to the moon and back. That's what you need to find, someone you can trust. I do not live in the US but I know there are low cost counsellors there and low cost ones that people can use out of universities. I'm on disability and going back to a fully qualified psychologist for only 30 euros an hour long session (that's cheap for here, they range from about 20-120), so I would search the net and see what you can find.

    I have no idea about that illness at all. I'd be lying if I said I understood that because I don't. As for the doctor, how much do you owe, could you work out a payment plan? I get 188 euro a week on disability here in Ireland but family help out too. Don't have to pay for my doctor or medicine though.

    I know a woman who has vertigo, all I know is it causes dizziness and she is always in bed, I agree that is not living and no quality of life.

    My best advice to you would be to try and get the payments sorted out with the doctor, keep talking on this site/chat room, email the samaitans, and I don't know how things work in the USA but look up on the net if there are any other areas they can help with?
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Do you know sign language and are you just late deafened?

    Reason I'm asking is its one of the most difficult things people endure is losing their hearing making a lot things 100x more harder than the normal hearing individual
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey again, I'm wondering how you are doing today?
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