this doesn't happen to most people, does it? (warning: long, boring)

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by molotov, Jan 14, 2010.

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  1. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    i went in this morning to my ADD shrink's office to ask him whether a) i could have a prescription refill and b) whether i could have an appointment and c) most importantly, whether he had records of all the money i paid him in cold hard cash back when my insurance wouldn't cover mental health care, because i am in the middle of a hilarious hilarious tax fiasco and maybe i can deduct those expenses if i can prove they happened.

    he was not there. his wife/receptionist was. i asked about the prescription first. this resulted in ten minutes of her shouting and screaming at me. it took a few minutes to get the real story (she is french, i am american and we speak german together so misunderstandings and bad grammar abound) - she billed the public health system for me last quarter and the bill was rejected so now the practice hasn't been paid for my care. i didn't understand why because my insurance is good - she made it sound like i had promised to bring her a card or pay the ten-euro quarterly fee or come in tomorrow or do this, do that, i don't know what, and i had failed like everyone fails and makes her job so hard and now it is TOO LATE she kept saying TOO LATE. she tried to send me away. i waited until the other people in the office were gone, and then slunk back to the counter -

    "i just wanted to ask"
    "i just wanted to ask if i can help in any way, if i should talk to the insurance myself, i really don't understand my insurance, i thought i was just doing everything i was told to do, as far as i know it is good and if it will help i will talk to them myself, i am so sorry if i did something wrong, i never meant to"

    eventually she said it was not my fault, it was because the other receptionist had forgotten to scan my card and 22 other people's cards or something, but this was not meant to be an apology, it was more of a concession to the fact that i was crying my head off because i was so confused and scared. eventually i just ran away, literally, sobbing like a tiny child. awesome.

    the shrink himself dude is a reasonable and friendly and patient person but this is maybe the fourth or fifth encounter i've had with his wife that made me cry. i have already ratted her out to him once in the sense that i asked him once if it was really true what she said that i was just treating him like a pharmacy and i was not allowed to have any more prescriptions until i made another appointment. it wasn't. really true, i mean.

    my question is this:
    1) the guy is one of the only adult ADD specialists in Germany.
    2) he does not have an email address or a website, his office hours are not posted anywhere but on his door, and i am afraid to call him or go in for fear that i will get his wife on the phone.
    3) i think it is probably not workable that the receptionist in my shrink's office makes me want to kill myself way more than i already do.
    4) even if i do find another shrink i still have to somehow get my records from him which will involve another encounter with her.
    4a) his WIFE.
    5) i would prefer not to start all over again with another shrink, after two years i was finally getting up enough mojo to start talking about the depression and he had just given me some st. john's wort to try. plus his english is spectacular and it really helps to be able to speak english when i'm talking about this kind of shit.
    6) i am nearly out of ritalin and totally out of st. john's wort.
    7) i still have this tax problem.
    8) i can't stop crying.

    what the hell should i do?

    thanks for reading
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I think you need to find all the courage you can, call and make another appointment. Terll her asap! Then dont make this a session about your problems. Make it a session about his wife's problems.

    I bet he isnt aware. And I'm certain you arent the only patient she makes feel this way. Which the good doc should know about because it only makes for completely wasted visits if you have to face this woman before and or after each visit. She is single handedly keeping his patients , well ... his patients. Who needs the outside world she is it just roll all up into a neat little package sitting behind a desk!! Wow!

    Then ask him directly to get the information you need. He can then make the request with his wife to find it for you. I wouldnt be to ready to up and start looking for a new doc quite yet. It isnt fair to you to have to start at scratch again because she has issues.

    Besides the doc how are things going on the tax return thing? Hope they are starting to fall into place and that things are moving forward for you.
  3. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    get a tax lawyer to go with you.
  4. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    thanks for your message :)

    didn't make the monday office hours deadline, what i thought was going to be a little "finishing touches" project turned out to be another 4 hours. called the office, they transferred me to the woman i need to talk to, who wasn't there. next office hours were supposed to be today.. turns out just because the website and the sign on the door and the sign inside says "today we have office hours til 6" doesn't mean that they have office hours until 6. thanks guys! i guess i will call tomorrow and ask for an appointment next week, i'm having bad luck just showing up at offices and asking for things..

    i can't stop crying, i know this sounds crazy but i've really never been yelled at like that for that long without at least halfway understanding what i had done that had brought it on. i know she is really stressed out and i have had the impression for a long time that i drive her nuts but i just can't get over it for some reason, i hate seeing how unhappy i make people with my ignorance and my stupid fuckups that take up so much of their time, i know her reaction was uncalled for but i still can't stop blaming myself. i had spent so long gearing myself up to get my life back on track today and then the world was like "no sorry you can't have nice things" (bash bash bash)
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I agree with itmanhahn get to the doctor anyway you can, hell call on the emergency line as he has to respond to that-may not be emergency now but it is gonna be real soon if she keeps making you feel like such crap. BTW sorry she is doing this to you, you dont deserve it.
    I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that she is a bit of a bully and you are blaming yourself for her behavior. Well that is just not the case, you are the client and deserve to be treated with respect. If you can glare back at her or flat out tell her that her tone/language etc is out of line (which it is) she may behave, she really sounds like a bully to me. Bottom line too is this doctor is running a business and needs to keep his clients happy or he won't have any.
    Well I hope my comments helped, take care and let us know how it is going.
  6. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    re: tax lawyer - these financial records are super old, i mean this situation is ultimately my fault for 1. keeping abysmal records and 2. being too lazy/confused/scared/dumb to file my taxes and avoid this situation.. so she's not obligated to give them to me, i was asking her for a favor and she doesn't.. like doing favors. anyway i can file them without the records.. if they don't accept them without the deduction, that's ok, at this point i am ultimately just trying to keep from getting deported or thrown into prison.

    re: taking a stand - i think i would rather go through the shrink if possible, he speaks english better than she speaks english or german and she will probably listen to him. i have tried expressing frustration to her in the past (after she ignored me standing at her counter for a full hour and chatted to another woman about her dietary habits while the line stretched out the door) and got another verbal smackdown. this time there wasn't really anyone else there so she went into full-on nuclear mode, i could hardly get a word in. anyway i melt down in confrontational situations, my screen name may be molotov but i actually have all the self-confidence and argumentative skill of a kicked, starving puppy in the rain.

    re: him losing clients - doubt it, honestly. his office is always overflowing, there are so few people in germany with his specialty that people commute from other cities just to see him, even if he is married to the queen of the harpies.

    (edit): re: emergency line - as far as i know he doesn't have one. you'd think he would since his other speciality is therapy-resistant depression but i've sure never seen any indication of such a thing. hell, he doesn't even have an answering machine.

    thanks for reading.. the sun'll come out.. tomorrow..
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2010
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