This evil girls face still haunts me

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by aimlessdrifter, Jun 21, 2012.

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  1. aimlessdrifter

    aimlessdrifter Well-Known Member

    First year of college : There was this evil girl in college.I never talked to this girl and she never talked to me.She always used to stare at me creepily.Unfortunately her roll number was right after mine so she used to sit in the bench behind me during every examination.She used to kick my legs(it's difficult to explain she used to tease me using her legs in different ways) from behind during the examinations.The first time it happened I did not understand why she was behaving with me like that.She continued like that for every examination.Just imagine my pain and discomfort.Sooner I realized that this girl was jealous of me.I could clearly see the jealousy in her eyes.I don't know the reason of her jealousy may be it was because I was a brighter student than her or some other reason.There were also other toppers in our class.I believe she chose to harass me because I was a very timid and sensitive girl and my roll number was right before hers.So everything was perfect for her to carry on her evil endeavors.I used to ignore her and suffered because I knew that if I complained she would harass me even more.I suffered in silence the whole first year.She had a chance to harass me only during examinations because other times we used to sit in different places.

    Second year of college: New class room and new places.There were benches in three rows.Three persons used to sit on one bench.I used to sit on the first bench of the left row and the evil girl on the second bench of the middle row.Now she started bullying me emotionally also.She used to come to me during interval and say nasty things.Once she said to me that I have no will power.She was very nasty.I ignored her.She made sure to irritate me every day with her actions.
    A Huge Mistake: Here comes the I digged my own grave part.Apparently I was not happy with my place because there was too much glare on the board coming from the window.I had difficulty seeing the board so I wanted to change my place.There was an extra place on the first bench of the middle row so I shifted to that place.To this day I still don't understand why I chose that bench knowing that the evil girl was sitting right behind that bench.Clearly she took full advantage of that.She also had friends who supported her actions.They were all against me.They wanted me to exchange my place with the evil girl's.I did not understand what the hell was going on.All these months the evil girl sat on the second bench now all of a sudden they have a problem with me sitting on the first bench.I said no.The harassment reached an all new level.Not only the evil girl but also her friends started to bully me emotionally.The evil girl continued to hurt me with her legs.It affected my studies and concentration a LOT.I did not have a single friend.No one supported me except my parents.I used to cry everyday at home.Once I even cried in front of the bullies.I burst into tears.I could not take it anymore.I told my parents about it and they complained to the principal.But this did not change a thing.The harassment intensified and finally I gave up and sat on the second bench.The evil girl succeeded.She accomplished her sadistic mission of causing tremendous pain to me mentally, physically and emotionally.A few days later she stopped her nasty behavior because you know she eventually won.Evil won.
    This is not the first time I was bullied.I was a victim of emotional, verbal and physical bullying throughout school and college.All these things happened to me because I was a timid and sensitive person.I could not defend myself.I was an easy target.It's like fear is in my blood.These things affected me a lot.The things that happened to me may seem very trivial to a lot of people but the kind of things I faced were extremely difficult and emotionally draining for my kind of personality.I think no one can understand what I went through.I wish I was a very brave and intelligent person.I hate my personality.I wish I was not weak.The evil girl's face is deeply etched in my psyche.I can never forget her.I don't know why.I try to stop my mind from thinking about her.No matter how hard I try to forget her, her face flashes in my mind every now and then, especially when I'm depressed.This incident happened 5 years ago.Sometimes I also see her harassing me in my dreams.It's weird.I don't understand why she keeps popping in my mind and why my mind is giving importance to such a worthless person.It's like she is haunting me.How can I stop my mind from thinking about her??
  2. angeljazz

    angeljazz Member

    I used to have flashbacks of certain people too. I ended up keeping an online journal, writing a letter to whatever person was bothering me (even sending it to them), and forgiving them for feeling the need to do that to someone else. It's really a shame that some people are so insecure about themselves that they have to pick on who they perceive as being "weaker." Well, you've proven to be stronger than she is because you're still here fighting the good fight, and you don't need to harass anyone to do so. Be proud of yourself. Tell yourself how proud you are that you don't have to resort to that, and try to have pity for the real weak ones. If she were around, I would've suggested killing her meanness with kindness. It always surprises them.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you still have a huge amount of buried anger towards this girl.
    Depression is often anger turned inwards, so time to cleanse yourself of this evil swine once and for all.

    Pick an inanimate object such as a teddy, pillow etc.
    Then say everything you ever wanted to say to her, swear, scream.....let it all out, then beat the shit out of her (the stand in object that is).
    Imagine it's her and really let rip.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I agree with Terry...also, it seems when we forsake ourselves, we remember it clearly...unfortunate but true...I believe the best revenge is to do better...I was bullied by this awful boy in high school and when I found out his was a complete failure in life, I thought I would be happy, but I was sad...for both he and I...try to move forward so that you have much better images in your mind...also, after we are bullied, there is sometimes PTSD which does crop up in this way...maybe working with someone to move forward would be helpful
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