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this feeling of being nothing won't go away

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by justastrangegirl, Jun 11, 2013.

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  1. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    Ever since I was a child I feel like this. Actually, ever since I had my last surgery, I remember hardly nothing before that.

    This feeling of being nothing was triggered again last saturday, after I read on facebook that a former classmate, whom I had a crush on in 9th grade, passed away in a horrible way. He was wakeboarding and suddenly the rope broke and he hit a barge (riverboat).

    After reading everything that my former classmates had written, I realised that had that happened to me, nobody would have written anything. I texted the only 4 girls who were in my class and only ONE of them replied, but again, only for a couple of minutes :(

    So, I kept on thinking that I was absolutely nothing to everyone, even to my family. They don't even notice how depressed I am, they only notice how SAD my two sisters are now and then.

    This passing also made me think about how fragile life is... one minute the person you love is here and the next.. they might not be. I thought about my ex a lot that day, how miserable I'd be if something were to happen to him and I didn't get the chance to talk to him one more time.

    I know I'm annoying about this (my ex), but I really need to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him... and I don't even know how to get in touch with him anymore or even if I should, because although we remained "friends", he doesn't talk to me since a couple of years ago, and I must know why. I must know if my father's right and I was just a bet to him, or if he really felt something for me; I need to know if he was the only person in this world to ever find me attractive :( I need to know if I meant something to him.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What others think of you hun does not matter it is what YOU think of you Your ex has moved on and you too need to let go
    You are not nothing you are someone you are important and as special as anyone else is

    I don't know why we one is depressed we think others should see that but people are not mind readers hun you talk to t hem your parents someone and let them know how sad you are so you can get support ok
  3. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry but you don't "really need to have a heart to heart" with your ex. You want to and I bet, because I've been as lonely and unhappy as you, that you hope that he'll change his mind. He won't, as TE says he's moved on.Time for you to do the same. If you could talk to him you wouldn't be satisfied. You'd find more need to knows. it's been over for at least two years. Accept it. It's ******* difficult. Not having a lot else going on in your life doesn't help. It might help to talk to a counsellor or therapist.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    You might want to think about family therapy. Your family might not notice how sad you feel, but they may also want to pretend that everything is ok. If you and your sisters are all depressed, there is a good chance that something in the family dynamics may have contributed to that.

    It's not too surprising that 3 of the girls you contacted didn't reply. I think it would be nice if people were more considerate of others, but it just seems to be typical behavior for many people to be inconsiderate. At least one of the girls contacted you.

    I think that if you can develop some good relationships, not having good relationships with other people won't matter so much.

    I hope that things can get better soon!
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