I can't go on with my life...at least that's how it feels to me. I'v been 'on and off' Depressed for something like 2 years I think...maybe three. A year ago on June 1st I met two very good friends of mine online. I laughed with them...talked with them...shared myself with them and they shared themselves with me.
But that's over now...I argued with one of them, the girl, a heck of a lot. More than I ever should have done. I don't know why but she became the brunt of my anger and I regret it so deeply she will never even know. And now she's cut me out..banned me from the site me her and the other guy made together for the three of us, foed me on another site we are all on together...she won't even talk to me...I'm so desperate for one last chance that will never come. According to her we 'might be friends again in the far future'
And the guy...he was supportive of me though the was nothing he could do...and now I'v pushed him away in my despair...he's had enough of me and me saying that I was going to end my life...
That feels like the final straw...I have Multiple Pituitary Hormone Deficiency which is life long and I have a host of other (seemingly self-inflicted) issues and I'm horrible with people evidenced by pushing two of my best friends to the point where one won't even talk to me and the other might not talk to me...
Things were so bad running up to this point...I'm failing Uni for a second time through a combination of my depression and laziness, and the day I have to tell me parents will be the worst of my life...that will be the final nail in my coffin. I feel like I have nothing left to live for...I'v squandered my education and my parents money like nothing...I'v pushed my friends to the brink that they won't even talk to me...won't even consider talking to me...
I'm sorry if I'm not even supposed to mention/say this but I'm 21 in just over a month and it feels like after that it's the end. I can't keep living a life that just throws me deeper and deeper into endless despair. I would give everything to change it all and I'm hurting so much inside it just doesn't feel like this life is worth living any longer. I considered suicide back in September and those two friends got me through it but that was the start of pushing them out and away...and now It's come again and I have no one there to help me through so it feels like this time I could go through with it...I want to go through with it
I have no friends...no girlfriend...no life...I'v squandered my education...I'm hurting so deeply inside...Why should I live a life that won't show me any remorse? What possible thing could there be, other than knowing what it would do to certain people that could really convince me that I should stay alive when tomorrow I wake up to expect this all over again?
I'm mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted now
Never before has life seemed so pointless
I want to curl up and cry myself to sleep and never ever wake up...
Those two people did so much for me and have inspired me in different ways and the fact that I'v almost certainly lost one for good and hurt another one that way just kills me...I'm at a crossroads in my life...yet the only way is not forward...it's towards the end...the hurt is just too much to cope with any longer
But that's over now...I argued with one of them, the girl, a heck of a lot. More than I ever should have done. I don't know why but she became the brunt of my anger and I regret it so deeply she will never even know. And now she's cut me out..banned me from the site me her and the other guy made together for the three of us, foed me on another site we are all on together...she won't even talk to me...I'm so desperate for one last chance that will never come. According to her we 'might be friends again in the far future'
And the guy...he was supportive of me though the was nothing he could do...and now I'v pushed him away in my despair...he's had enough of me and me saying that I was going to end my life...
That feels like the final straw...I have Multiple Pituitary Hormone Deficiency which is life long and I have a host of other (seemingly self-inflicted) issues and I'm horrible with people evidenced by pushing two of my best friends to the point where one won't even talk to me and the other might not talk to me...
Things were so bad running up to this point...I'm failing Uni for a second time through a combination of my depression and laziness, and the day I have to tell me parents will be the worst of my life...that will be the final nail in my coffin. I feel like I have nothing left to live for...I'v squandered my education and my parents money like nothing...I'v pushed my friends to the brink that they won't even talk to me...won't even consider talking to me...
I'm sorry if I'm not even supposed to mention/say this but I'm 21 in just over a month and it feels like after that it's the end. I can't keep living a life that just throws me deeper and deeper into endless despair. I would give everything to change it all and I'm hurting so much inside it just doesn't feel like this life is worth living any longer. I considered suicide back in September and those two friends got me through it but that was the start of pushing them out and away...and now It's come again and I have no one there to help me through so it feels like this time I could go through with it...I want to go through with it
I have no friends...no girlfriend...no life...I'v squandered my education...I'm hurting so deeply inside...Why should I live a life that won't show me any remorse? What possible thing could there be, other than knowing what it would do to certain people that could really convince me that I should stay alive when tomorrow I wake up to expect this all over again?
I'm mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted now
Never before has life seemed so pointless
I want to curl up and cry myself to sleep and never ever wake up...
Those two people did so much for me and have inspired me in different ways and the fact that I'v almost certainly lost one for good and hurt another one that way just kills me...I'm at a crossroads in my life...yet the only way is not forward...it's towards the end...the hurt is just too much to cope with any longer