I haven't felt like this in 7 months. Not leaving my room, just staring at my laptop. Not eating, feeling sick, the only thing that seems important is taking the one step to make sure this never happens again. To make sure I never feel this bad again in my entire life. Last time it didn't work. I failed, but things got better. Now I'm right back where I started. If anything, its worse because it's happened once before. So I know it can and will happen again and again and again. I want out. I don't want to feel anything.