This fght is hard

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by spidy, Dec 7, 2009.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Im still on a struggle i cant stop suicidle thghts everynght im trying to fght them but very hard cutting aint doing much for me as i just get mad at myself for tht now.Sitting alone in the dark gives me plenty of time for negative thghts to enter my head and i find they are winning the more i fght them the stronger they seem to become.Doc has taken my meds of me i can only get weekly scripts now which is good thng i suppose.I am still very scared tht im going to attempt again as its not easy to fght when your on ya own.Hosp always to far to walk too so basically im on me own most of day and nght.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Keep talking here. That way you're not completely alone. I know it's hard to fight those thoughts, but you can do it.
     
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Think i mght have to head to hosp im not doing to well head is really spinning out cant seem to get a grip on reality at the moment but im scared of being a pain in the arse i mght just sit in the emergency dep just so im safe i dont thnk im able to beat this tnght WHAT THE FCK IS WRONG WITH ME PLEASE LET ME BECOME NORMAL AGAIN i hate this hate hate hate.Had to swollow my pride and come to the exs to use putor havnt told her im having thghts thgh.I dont want to go bck to my living hell but have no choice its so cold dark and not good when ya not mentally wellTry log bck on in an 1 hour before i go going to spend a little time with kids while im here
     
  4. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    hi gav,

    sounds like several very good ideas - 1) spending time with your kids! 2) going to the emergency room so you will not be alone and 3) coming back on here to talk as much as you can. night time is especially bad for me and for a lot of us.. what is your living situation now? are you still 100 percent out on the street? is there anywhere you can go like your sister's place or a men's shelter or something, where you will be off the street and also be around other people?

    (hugs) take it easy
     
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    We have no crisis accom here and the mens shelter closed dow.My sis lives too far away i tryed staying there and couldnt handle it to many bad memories in tht town plus too far away from my kids.Yes still on street which is bringing me down real bad and i seem to be struggling tonght for some reason im as scared as hell um feel im not going to cope and do somethng dumb.I have to leave here soon so i wont be able to talk here which sux.Just dont know why im such a bloody looser dont even know how ive got into this situation and be buggered if i know how to get out of it.Bugger this town for having sht all for men and they wonder why the suicide rate is up because at times its the only seen solution im trying to fght that thght but have very strong urges coming on i need to be in busy place i thnk yet i cant handle being around ppl what to do i dont know but i know its going to be a difficult nght ahead sounds dumb hey tht ya have to fght urges such a failure
     
  6. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    hey,

    just quick because i know you have to go soon. i think the busy place thing is a great idea. you don't have to be mr. social or anything, i know it is hard but when you are around other people you kind of have to force yourself to calm down, at least that is how it works for me, it is way too easy to make yourself feel worse when you are alone with these thoughts! if it gets too bad then definitely, definitely get to the hospital.

    that is such total bullshit about the shelter. maybe the people at the hospital will have some other ideas w-r-t food and a place to sleep? have you contacted the unemployment office about other ideas?
     
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Im so weak i cant keep this up dont sleep anymore im physically and emotionally drained why dosnt god do his own dirty work and kill me instead of me having make the decision.Feel like utter trash at this point and the loooks im getting are really getting to me.Made last nght thrgh but not without yelling out loud and constently tal;king to myself feel like a rght fcking nutcase.Fck xmas time for joy and cheer my arsehole makes me more miserable for some reason whats there to be happy about fck i dont even get to see my kids i get to stay in my little fcking existence out of the way.Maybe its for the best.Sorry my depression is really hitting me hard and guess im gunna be stick in mud for a while as i dont have much to look forward too and if all this sounds like babble it prob is i need venting and thngs off my chest and thius forum is my only real place i have to come where i feel comfortable
     
  8. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    shit :(
    (hugs)

    it's not babble. suddenly being without reliable food and shelter would be a crisis for anyone. and i talk to myself and wake up screaming too :/ and christmas kinda drives me nuts too. you are doing awesome by hanging in there and talking about this!

    what kind of social services do they have where you're at? i don't know how australia works.. any kind of free meals, beds, medical care, warm clothes, welfare, government housing, i dunno what that can tide you over so you have one or two fewer things to worry about?

    any luck getting back to that hospital?

    any chance that your sister (or any other friend or family member) could come up to where you are for a day or two and help you go over your options?

    (hugs)
     
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