This forum is depressing

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by tothedogs, Aug 25, 2006.

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  1. tothedogs

    tothedogs Member

    Hello all,

    I found this forum really depressing. Reading how other people's thoughts form circular, self-defeating arguments just like mine is really hard to cope with. So I thought I'd add a few of my own:

    1. I am getting old, nothing can stop me getting old, I am wasting my time worrying about getting old, because I am so old I am obviously not capable of stunning achievements anymore.

    2. I am ugly, I am not getting younger. I will never get any more beautiful than I am now.

    3. Everything I love will fail or die.

    4. There is something inherently evil about me.

    5. Because I am depressed I am a bore and a bad friend, a bad lover, a bad artist.

    6. My happiness depends on having good work and good relationships and obviously I cannot do those things.

    7. I cause things to go wrong.

    8. I think of suicide without even having the strength to carry it out, so I fail at that tool.

    9. I waste time going round and round in circles and wasting time depresses me. So much time has been wasted that it is obvious I'll never do anything of any worth now.

    10. I accuse people of things that they haven't done. I anticipate the bad things they are going to do before they do them. I am scared of people and I am scared of the power they have over me.

    11. I can't start anything and, if I start it, I can't finish it.

    12. I can't forget anything.

    13. My brain and my body are betraying me. I do not have any control over what they do.

    14. If anything good happens to me it is surely a mistake, a mistake I have to pay for.

    15. I have pissed my life away with this shit and now it's all I have and all I am.

    That's it for now...

    any thoughts?
     
  2. lostthedream

    lostthedream New Member

    Most of those ring true. Quite scarily. Especially the old thing and wasting time. I am the same. I wanted to be exceptional at something. Anything. But now I've wasted all my time that its too late to be anything other than mediocre. I HATE that word. I hate other people who are fresh from college and motivated to excel. hate them.
    I used to have this tetris game on my mobile. When I was playing it and I fucked up a few times and there were gaping holes in the wall (you know the game right?) I'd try harder to try and fix it. I'd relish the challenge and it was always more fun to try and fix something that was already messed up. It's such a shame that I can't apply that philosophy to my own life. As if it isn't as worthwhile as that game...
     
  3. immure

    immure Account Closed

    i hope i never veiw my ages to come as a barrior. i plan to learn to surf with my grande babies. i hope i never let my barriors define my life. hang in there u guys can t be that old. i mean ur not dead yet. so get out there and do something wild learn to fly or gymnastics. there are things out there.
     
  4. ruiner

    ruiner Active Member

    This forum is depressing

    O RLY?


    (sorry I had to say it :tongue:)
     
  5. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    I see this forum as sad and tragic, but it's beautiful. There is so much LOVE here! And we do not even know each other, and we will probably never meet, but we are there for each other.

    You have to change your outlook!!
    I could only go so long until I decided to take back my life from the demons inside that fucked it up. And I still fight all the time. But I am not going to let them win. Part of the weapons that they use is telling me it's not worth it, or that I'm not good enough, or that I am weak or unworthy. But I know better, and I think that deep down inside we all do.
     
  6. tothedogs

    tothedogs Member

    to lostthedream and others - i don't really want anyone to identify with my thoughts - though i know you do. when i write those things, putting them there for all to see, i know they are just a behavior like any other. they are a pure rage and anger. success, if you want it, is not located in striving for a better career or better work. better things are there already, you just have to live in them and flesh them out. this might sound hippy i know - but i think we have lost this ability, in western (or westernised) societies we have lost this ability to just think the thoughts that are possible, move where it is possible to move and stand still. we have lost the ability to stand still and exactly NOT STRIVE for something out of reach. things are already in reach, but this society teaches you that they aren't. we are all always meant to be striving to make better. be better, do better. this is taken to perverse extremes when, for example, we see celebrities' bodies withered away in a display of control, anorexia has become normalised amongst the younger members of our society. anorexia as a mental state of mind has become normal. we are all meant to always be fighting for the things we have lost or fighting for the things we can't have. or otherwise exercising a display of control over hidden urges.

    our world is dangerous now, many people, young people, are turning to extremist ways of being, anorexia, obesity, Christian fundamentalism or Islamic fundamentalism. I think our world is out of balance and some people are manifesting it in their bodies and in their ways of being in the world and in their ideoligies. i wonder if depression is just an oversensitivity to the world?

    tothedogs
     
  7. Mio

    Mio Well-Known Member

    hey
    I should say that I LOVE this forum very very very much!:biggrin: It doesn't mean that I always agree with everyone and everything, but people are different and everyone has his own opinion, his own life and his own pain. But I really love it.
    And it can seem depressing, but because there are many people here who suffer and need help...
    There are also forums for fun here, like "Coffee House" and so on.
    Hope, you'll find many interesting things and interesting people here. I've already found :hug:

    Mio
     
  8. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dear Dogs;

    You wondered if depression is just oversensitivity to the world... Well, a friend of mine once put it in a very flattering and logical way. He said, most severely depressed people are very intelligent, thus they have very keen 'inner vision' and see things/situations/behaviors, etc, that most people don't ever notice. Now, not everything about his observation is true/accurate, but I believe that for the most part, he was correct. (especially the "really intelligent" part:rolleyes: ) I'm seriously depressed and part of that depression is being painfully aware of the f*****d up world and how we treat each other and the other living things on earth. Am I making sense so far? :blink:

    HOWEVER... being seriously depressed (which is anger turned inward) leaves us with little energy for any kind of action, whether it be positive action to help our fellow citizens of earth, or positive action to help ourselves get out of the pit of despair.:sad: So, for me, taking antidepressants and having counseling on a regular basis (not to mention, having loving friends here:smile: ) helps me to be less depressed and to deal with my depression in less hurtful ways (to myself and others) and more positive ways to help myself and others who are/have been hurt by living in this world and the depressing situations brought about by depression and/or awareness of the horrible things going on all around us. Am I still making sense??:blink: :huh:

    I agree strongly with Xian: this forum IS depressing but there IS so much love here between the members. Our super-sensitivity helps us understand the pain and misery others are going thru and enables us to offer genuine support and love for others going thru the same feelings and situations. That's why I come back here often: to help others (as I was helped over a year ago when I first "stumbled" onto this site), and to help myself by venting and receiving support when I feel overwhelmed and in despair.

    I welcome you to the forum and hope you'll come here to let off steam, get love and support when you need it most, and help others when you can!:smile:

    lots of hugs and love and support and HOPE!

    least

    PS; ...what Mio said!
     
  9. tothedogs

    tothedogs Member

    leastof these and others,

    Thanks for your words.

    I am feeling somewhat better about things today. When I have a good day it sometimes feels like nothing can ever take me back to how I felt before but it always does. I feel on top of the world one minute and then the next minute I can be writhing on the bed with tears streaming out. It happens that quickly, even though I try to guard against it. These mood swings between rage and anger, depression, hopelessness, apathy and then back up to sweeter and better feelings, they are exhausting and really take their toll on me. I am scared of feeling bad and I resist sorting things out as they happen and I let things build up and up until I feel like I will explode. I know it doesn't have to be like that. It's too easy to pretend, when I have a good day, that everything is okay and I ignore things that are tricky or hard to deal with again - so it goes round and round in a vicious cycle. up and down up and down!

    It is hard to focus on yourself all the time, but this is what we are forced to do. Remember - we are not selfish, we live in a society that promotes that. Some of the best people I know are depressed as hell. Some of the funniest too.
     
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