this forum is triggering and i LOVE it!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thefatalfetus, Mar 28, 2013.

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  1. thefatalfetus

    thefatalfetus Member

    i love the dark feeling of suicidal ideation, i really do. i dont know how to explain it, but it feels so liberating and creatively helpful. these feelings really help with my art and songwriting. you should just see the beautiful art i made when i was in the psych ward, and the songs i wrote after i left. does anyone else actually like being suicidal?
  2. broke

    broke Well-Known Member

    I am as new as you are here, but I think there is a certain comfort in living with the inverted romance of being so close to death. I think there may be a difference between "being" suicidal and being enamored with suicide though. Not sure what the difference is, but I think it is there. I think I was in love with pretty much all of the darkness that the shadow of humanity could possibly cast, until I started a family. I realized I want my children to face enough resistance in life to feel the value of who they are and what they have, but not have to face the kind of deep existential black that I feel has dominated my own life. That is when things become complicated, because the pressure of seeing that want through butts directly against the initial urge its self. What that does is increase the urge. Instead of finding artistic release so close to The Black, one feels pushed towards it.

    When you lose your choices and realize you have no control over moving closer to death, the fun goes right out the window. At least it has for me. But I realize with every breath, with every step, with every second of life, I am moving closer to death. We all are. This is when I regret positioning myself so close to the edge in the first place. Little romance in the lady you HAVE to have. At east for me.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I love your response broke I think for me have the idea of suicide gave me some control back i felt i had lost if that makes sense
  4. broke

    broke Well-Known Member

    It makes sense, but I would like to hear how it makes sense to you. I feel like I have little control over "it", and I fight it every day. It makes me feel even less in control. But things get narrower and darker.
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I kind of agree, that my poems written when I was suicidal and self harming turned out great...I haven't written a poem in ages though, because I'm no longer self harming and suicidal...idk why it's like that...but I do like dark things, the darker side of the human mind...
  6. Mibani

    Mibani Member

    I can also agree, as I draw my best when I'm in a suicidal mode, but it usually ends up with me jabbing myself with a pencil- so I tend not to do it anymore. But on the up-side, My singing becomes a lot better.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I think any dramatic change in emotions can help with creativity. Perhaps it's just you know you aren't alone when in the psych ward or on here which makes you feel more at ease or as you call it 'enjoyable'? Also, welcome to the forums.
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