I've been dealing with borderline p.d. for years now. All my love relationships have gone to shits because of that. Recently my boyfriend of 4 years with whom I was picturing myself having kids dumped me telling me I was too much work and that he couldn't handle it. He was there for me each step before. Even when I tried to kill myself. I feel guilty I am at fault in all this , telling him I wanted to die and not being able to protect him against my darkness. I feel like I've contaminated him. I feel like I'm contaminating my friends and family. Who do you turn to when everyone around is saturated by your disorder, by your suicidal ideas, by your destructive behaviors. I feel like I'm making them too worried and I don't want to be a burden no more. And I know I would be a burden by dying too. Either way I'm hurting everyone I touch. Please I think i need to talk to strangers.