I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know where the both of us are going to be living in just a few short weeks. You could be in a foster home. I could be in an alley...or maybe a mental asylum. I think that's where I need to be. The decisions I keep making are either that of somebody insane, or that of someone really stupid. Actually, both. I have failed you. I feel sick to my stomach that I brought you into this world and didn't have what it took to take care of you the way you deserve. I only hope that if I have to give you up that somebody else will. I don't know what's going to happen but I know that there will be a big change soon, probably bad. I know that this cycle has to stop. I can't keep running in circles. Now I realize what a fool I've been, I realize my mistakes but I fear it's too late. I just wish there was one single person that could help us but there isn't. There is only me. There has always been only me; and I let you down. I've been over and over all my options and none of them are good. Guess death is the only answer now. Guess that's really the only way out of this misery. I want to turn to drinking but I can't. It's so hard to resist, but if I start drinking than I might as well just kill myself because I know that will only make my problems worse. So why waste time turning to alcohol, why not just cut right to the chase? It's a slow death, anyways. How could my life have come to this? Every day is like a living nightmare that just keeps getting worse. I'm drowning. I can't do this all alone. But I am so alone. More alone than I have ever been in my life. I have been writing on this forum every day now; the despair is so intense. I feel this forum is the only thing that keeps me from going over the edge and taking my own life. I probably won't have the luxury of a computer soon. I don't know how I'll deal with it then.