this holiday season

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by emilyroselovesu, Dec 3, 2010.

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  1. emilyroselovesu

    emilyroselovesu Well-Known Member

    this winter i want to help make and decorate cookies

    i want to help shovel

    i want to buy people presents

    i want to go to concerts

    i want to sing christmas songs really loud with my mom

    i want to wear leggings with boots and a cute sweater

    i want to curl my hair on the holidays

    i want hot chocolate with lots of whip cream

    i want to play games with my cousins and friends

    i want to eat lots of food

    i want to go shopping

    i want to go to plays or shows in st paul and mpls

    i want to walk around with friends or a boy while its snowing looking at all the christmas lights

    but i feel i cant do any of that this year

    im not who i used to be

    i dont feel like the same person

    i dont think i am ever going to get better

    i dont think i will ever be truly happy

    i will never be good enough for anyone
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Pick one on your list and do it...see if you can and if you do, then see if you can do another...there is only one way to try to be better to yourself, and that is to try...let me know what you picked and how you did...J
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Just do the best that you can emily. :hug:
  4. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You're good enough for me Emily. I like you.
    I like your list too, sounds like a perfect holiday. You've managed to evoke such a lovely scene in my head that I really think you should consider writing. Pulling together simple words to give such strong feeling is a talent all in itself. You should definitely develop that talent.
    At the moment, you're in a very difficult place.
    You say that you're not the person you were and that's probably true. The problem that you've got is that you're not just dealing with an illness, you're also growing up. Even if you didn't have the illness, you wouldn't be the person you were. We change as we grow up and it can be very hard to accept. It's even worse when you're battling mental health problems too. There's so much you have to learn about yourself and your condition, its a tough journey.
    I think Sadeyes is right (and Dave as well) Pick one thing off the list and see if you can do that.
    If you don't manage it though, remember this - you've painted a scene which is really vivid in my mind and has made me smile. Thank you for that, I needed to smile today,
    Sending hugs xxxx
  5. emilyroselovesu

    emilyroselovesu Well-Known Member

    yayyyyyy im glad i could make you smile
    and i do want to write a book someday
    i love to write
    today i actually woke up HAPPY
    my schedule for today is to make our first christmas cookies.
    and while me and mother are doing that we are going to listen to loud christmas music
    it's gonna be great!
    i also think i am gonna play in the snow and take pictures
  6. victor

    victor Account Closed

    awwwww, thats so sweet, made me smile, too:)
    m sure ull make it:)
  7. emilyroselovesu

    emilyroselovesu Well-Known Member

    yayyyyy another smile!
  8. emilyroselovesu

    emilyroselovesu Well-Known Member

    well guess what?
    i didnt help my mom or anything today with the cookies.
    i just layed in bed and slept all day because my stomach kept hurting.
    i keep having diarea. =/
    i feel like this everyday
    thats why i dont feel like myself
    when i feel sick i am depressed because throwing up is my worst fear.
  9. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Are you still getting the side effects of the meds hun? That's a pain in the neck. I hate those stages. Bad enough we have to take meds without getting side effects.
    That's all it is though so don't be worrying yourself about it. Side effects go away. The next time you wake up feeling happy, there's a good chance you'll get to stay happy for the day. Plus you might make cookies.
    And you did make me smile today.
  10. emilyroselovesu

    emilyroselovesu Well-Known Member

    no i didnt want to take that dose anymore so im taking what i did before.
    idk why im feeling like this.
    but its everyday
    some days are worse than others
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