OK well under the comfort of anomaly I can painfully reveal a terrible secret, painful regret, and my the reason for my absolute desire for death. This really hurts me to reveal and admit this but I want to let it out. I am physically attracted to younger girls. There I said it. Not other men, not animals but younger girls which is even worse. A pedophile is the most hated creature on this planet, more so than murders, and I am one of them. But before I continue my virtual confession let me give you sort of an autobiography. I'm 21, in college, and have never seriously broken the law. May have stolen a snickers bar from time to time but thats it. I have never had a girlfriend, I am attracted to girls my own age though. I'm not attracted to babies, lets get that outta the way. No one below 8. And its something I cannot control, or more like something I'm losing control over. This condition is something that I really don't want (let me call it a condition because I hate calling myself evil). I'm around younger girls all the time while I'm home from college and I live next to a school at college. Scary huh? My cousins are the two girls that I'm around the most, they're 8 and 10. I love hem to death, I always think about them, and I love to make them happy with gifts. They really like it when I come and visit them, they're always happy with me. I never touched them though I want to. I used to be around kids all the time in h.s. I tutored at an elementary school and I love how attached they get. Every child I've ever met, every little girl I've met has given me the same experience. They become attached, open, and very loving. Always, always hugging me, kissing me, and doing whatever it takes to be close to me. Shamefully I embrace them. And each time I want to let them experience what the simulate towards me. You parents don't understand but alot of your daughters are very experimental at a young age. Its not right especially for me. I love being with children so much, I don't want to hurt them. But its not as simple as saying, "Then don't!" They're really physical around me and I love that attention. I am not however a killer. Do you know how painful it is to read about men and women raping kids and burying them alive, strangling them, hanging them?! Do you know how painful it is to feel that you could be like them? I will never hurt a child but being who I am I already have. This is why I'm so miserable and suicidal, all my younger female cousins, all the little girls who I've met I have wronged them in a way. Will I have sex with a younger girl? Maybe, how far will she tempt me? Why do these little girls have too wear tight cloths all the time and dance like they in a rap video? Why do they like to be so close and physical with me? And why am I like this? I cannot change it. I don't understand what I did wrong? I've worked hard all my life, I've tutored kids and done alot community service, I've given away personal belongings and material goods to these children just out of the simply joy of making them happy but I am still wrong because of something I cannot control. I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANY LITTLE GIRL I DON'T WANT THIS CONDITION WHAT DID I DO WRONG? I'm even too ashamed to face Jesus Christ I cannot go to church. I hate living with the thought that once I die I'll go straight to hell no matter what I've done good. So staying alive is very painful. I want to protect them, these little girls who I do truly love. This is the first step. I want to admit what I did first and I'll do it anonymously. Next I'll tell my h.s. teachers, they helped me into the elementary school tutoring. They were proud of my achievements in academics and in life since i came from poverty and violence. I'll let my god-mother know and ask her to let the rest of the family know. Finally I'll apologize to God before I see him. I just want to be with my cousins.