I posted here under a more revealing name four or five weeks ago, announcing that I had just taken a bottle of pills. I was immediately advised by three people to call an ambulence, and I did. I was introduced to a new feeling of self-disgust when I woke up at the hospital hooked up to a cathoder (sp?), stripped of my clothing, with a stomach pump rammed down my throat, the taste of charcoal lingering on my tongue. Seriously, what an idiot. I'm home now, that's over. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been diagnosed schizophrenic, paranoid, obsessive compulsive, manic depressive, and just plain depressed. What I do know is that I have periods of euphoria where I feel motivated, interested in things, maybe even happy. I'm just coming out of one of these, but it motivated me to finally post here about how I feel. I'm just trying to build up a background for myself, I'm sure I've bored most people out of finishing reading this by now. I'll get to the problem I have right now. I've had this girlfriend for a few months. She's all I have. I can't keep a job, I'm convinced I'd do as bad in college as I did in high school. I don't have a car, I don't have friends nor do I know how to get any now that I'm out of school. I live on a couch. My possessions are stored in a cabinet. She knows all about me, she's given me a chance, she's the only one that's ever been with me more than a month without getting scared away. So naturally I'm coming off all obsessive and paranoid, I constantly accuse her of cheating on me, not really liking me, neglecting me, etc. And then I feel guilty about it. I usually contact her every morning as soon as I wake up and maintain contact all day until I can finally be with her (she goes to work, school.) It's hard on her, I understand that. So today, I'm giving her her space. It's 1:30 pm here, and I haven't texted her or called her. I really thought she would have called by now. Can everything I worry about be true? Maybe she doesn't really like me, maybe she hasn't even though of me today or noticed that I didn't call her. I'm under so much stress over this, so nervous about it, so anxious. I'm doing everything I can to cope. Listening to angry music, cutting myself. I feel so alone, she really doesn't care, and I don't have anybody else. I can't wait much longer.