This is absolutely futile

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Glaernisch, Jan 12, 2010.

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  1. Glaernisch

    Glaernisch Member

    I have been fighting killing myself for over a year now and regardless of how hard I try, things just keep getting worse. With all this stress and pressure, I cannot see this as a life worth living. There is no life at all - just people wanting you to hang around because of what they need you for but not out of any sincerity or caring about you as a person. You are either a source of money or someone that they need to lean on or ask for help, favors, etc.

    When I needed help, they all froze or turned their backs on me. This is where I am now and cannot see the reason why anyone would stick around. With family, professional, and financial pressure making your life absolutely suck and just outright painful to go through, I cannot see any valid excuse against ending it.
     
  2. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    I go through some of this myself.

    I also have trouble getting people to simply *listen* to what I'm saying. I don't know if people are listening to you either.

    I can try to help though. I at least know what it's like to think about suicide every day, and I don't want or need anything from you.

    Keep posting, if you can.
     
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi, it seems as if alot of your pain is due to lack of connection with others and not having anyone that understands and accepts this side of you.
    Well you have SF now and we care as well as understand what you are going through, on some level or another every member here can relate to you so keep posting and others will reach out to you...you have the chance to make many friends here.
    I hope you continue to post and get it all out. There is a members diary section that you can use too.
    Well I look forward to getting to know you and please feel free to share as much of your story as you feel comfortable.

    May I ask if you have gone to your doctor or sought the advice of a therapist? They are great at teaching you tools to deal with what we go through and it can be a source of great help during difficult times.

    Take care Bambi
     
  4. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    Hey there-I have to go out for awhile, but I'll check back later, and there are a lot of great people here that will talk with you.

    I hope you post again.
     
  5. Glaernisch

    Glaernisch Member

    Thank you for writing back. I have seen therapists and have tried medication (with disastrous results). I felt like I was in a fog and could not focus. Most of the therapists' recommendations were ridiculous and professionally damaging. I was not thrilled with being put in a drug induced fog even though I volunteered to try it. I was a prisoner in my own body and, furthermore, in my own life. I have given my self until the end of the month to find a job and then I am shutting things down. I have tried so hard and this is not a life but instead this situation has turned me into a mindless drone who just works his tail off and helps everyone but themself. No energy left.
     
  6. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    I hear you.

    I still take some meds but my medication history is mostly disastrous. Therapists are like stepping into a minefield. I finally got lucky and found a pretty good one, but I could tell you horror stories. It's hard for me to tell someone to keep trying, but there are some good therapists out there. Keep trying to talk with us,anyway.

    I probably won't be much help with job advice,but I'll try to talk about stuff with you.

    Talk with you soon.
     
  7. Glaernisch

    Glaernisch Member

    same thing, different day. more rejection and bs from people i speak to about a job and more pressure from the family. don't think for a second that i have not tried to make my situation clear to my family - they just go through life blinders on and ask me to work, work, work. they will miss me when I am dead. people suck
     
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