this is all too much for me!

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by White Dove, Feb 18, 2009.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    this is just too much and i do not know how i am going to be able to handle it.:unsure: Yesterday, 2 things happened to me and the day before that was a total failour. And to top all of this off i have to endure pain from a illness inside my body plus all this spiritual and emotional pain as well. it is building up and its going to explode and when it does i will be in really bad shape.

    okay, why am i complaining and what happened? well monday, after calling the minister that i attend church at regularly, i tell him what doc said about dad having to have surgery for sure and that the cancer is in his lymp nodes and all. the minister then ask me well did you not see the knot on his neck and i told him no of course i did not. that got me to thinking i am a failor. i failed because i did not notice a knot on his neck. it made me relly sad and it hurt me a lot because now i feel its all my fault because i did not take care of him enough:sad: but i truly never seen the knot until about 2 weeks ago and dad never said his throat hurt him or anything. now i feel its all my fault. just like when mom passed away. i made her go to the doctor. i told her if she did not go i would force her when i got home from school, dad got the neighbor to take her up to the ER and 2 weeks later she died. i made her and she died. that was my fault, now because i could not sence anything wrong with dad now hes going to die sooner then id like him to. doc says hes 74 and the surgery will be a minimum of 6 to 8 hours and he may not make it. in 2 weeks he has to have this surgery and its all my fault. preacher said it was, said that i did not notice it. that is my fault.

    then yesterday, first my fridge tears up. then my van battery dies. i cant even get dad up to the doc appointment at 10:45 next monday cause my stupid van battery died, i cant get one until i get money and that will be one week from this friday. i cant even borrow one cause i got no one that is close to me or a friend to loan me a battery. so im screwed and a failor. everything is hitting me again all at once and i cant handle it. i really cant handle it.:sad: bible says God will not put more then you can handle but this is just too much. if God is putting me through a test then i fail because i cant handle this anymore nor can i handle it alone. something has to give and maybe that giving is me giving up. i cant handle it anymore..
  2. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    That sounds really tough. Why not contact your minister and have him ask a member of the congregation to give a ride?
  3. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You keep having bad time Susan. I can't really help you in any other way than giving you some hugs :hug:
  4. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Wasn't there a whole heap of posts deleted from this thread, because I don't understand the joke or whatever about the George foreman grill and white dove so can someone explain it to me. :blink:
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Susan does your town have a bus line? If so they may have a shuttle bus that does nothing but take people to the hospital or to doctor appts. Something you could check into..
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Thanks james and shadow. your hugs really do mean a lot to me. Not feeling all that well but i did manage to get enough to get dad to doc. After posting this post i went to God in prayer and apparently he had answered that prayer his way.

    stranger we dont have a busline, its a small rural area. we have things like UCHRA its not a major city bus but they do come take you to places when you need to go and that was another option for me.

    i think mostly what i do is get way too upset and worry about a lot of things when i should just trust in God more. He has gotten me this far if i can just learn to trust him more. when everything hits me all the time its like i take 1 step forward and 2 steps back and i often only see that as me getting knocked down. i just need to try and turn my thoughts into more better things and look at this as a way of God testing me. if only i could control my thought more then maybe i would not get so down. its hard. its really hard for me to not get down or worry. i have lost so much in these last few years, lost a mom to cancer now about to lose a dad to cancer, still cant understand why God has allowed me to suffer so much and still be here, lost a brother in december, lost a mobile home to an arsonist that has basically got away with it, lost my faith in the law and justice. been stepped upon and knocked down by so many people around me here. been called everything from a attention getter to liar, to scammer, and yet im still here fighting. all i can do is ask that you please bear with me. its not easy for me and it will take time. so please bear with me and please try to understand i have a lot against me and hardly anything for me. im trying to be as open and honest with you all by telling you all this and can only ask you to forgive me when i have my bursts of emotion. i cant fix everything all at once nor myself all at once. i dont know how long i can go on but im going to try all i can. thanks for understanding.

  7. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    you made me feel better so it makes me so sad to see you so stressed. :(

    i know a good way for me to ease up my emotions is sometimes meditation. it sounds as though you do something similar, prayer. :)

    i also always remember that there is always another option. it isn't always an ideal one, but there's always another way to go about things.

    and i am absolutely stunned that your minister was so insensitive. if he had seen it so soon then why didn't HE do anything about it? why is he putting that on you? it isn't your fault.

    anyways... my art 300 teacher put it best. every single one of us goes through a 'hero's journey'. we reach a time in our lives where we doubt ourselves and go through some serious hardships but come out of it understanding our life and giving it purpose. this journey doesn't discriminate against age either. you could be 15, 22, 65, or 41 and just begin this journey. but if you endure it, you will come out with more than you started.

    just hang in there. love
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Hey, glad you feel much better. im doing okay i guess. dad has to be at doc office at 10:45 am in the morning. its like 10:52 pm here so i cant be on long much tonight.

    i dont much think the minister seen that knot him any sooner then i had or when dad told me it was there. i dont even think the minister meant any harm by it but he could have? either way i have to forgive him which i already have done. ministers are just human like us and they are by no means unable to make mistakes. yes it hurt me when he said that. it made me feel like it was all my fault because i never noticed that on dad. but you know the minister did give me a compliment the other day. he said or rather asked me if i knew just how much i was appreciated at church? and i said no why? and he said i was appreciated there a whole lot cause i have brought a lot of young kids to church there, and still bringing more in.. heck its not me that really does this. its God. It is God who brings the increase not me:blink: i just do what God asks me to do. the other people make their own desions about coming into church.

    This dinner we had a few sundays ago, God had asked me to bring Jerry a dinner. So i did just that. Jerry my neighbor lives in a camper, much smaller then mine, he does not have lights or running water, he uses kerosene to heat with, carries his water. i know its hard for him to cook, so God came to me and told me to get him a dinner that night and bring it to him. so me and my nieces did just that. Jerry who is way up in his 70s was so happy to get that dinner. i did not know what to put on his plate but God told me what to put on his plate as i was filling it up. Jerry said that was the best food he had ever had in a long time. God told me to ask Jerry if hed like to come to church but he told me that Jerry would refuse yet ask him anyway, so we did. he refussed but i asked him because God wanted me to reach out to him. i think he will come wednesday but im not sure. God knows...

    So for now i will continue to do as God asks of me. I dont know what else he wants me to do, i wont know until he actualy asks me. I am glad that i was able to help you feel better. God loves you and so do i
  9. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    :eek:hmy: I really wish god would give me some magic powers and a sense of direction too...sigh. Maybe when I capture a fairy prince he'll grant me a wish.
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