This is am interesting article

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by Daphna, Dec 3, 2013.

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  1. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    And no I didn't write this.
     
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    very cool, that's what I've been trying to do for quite a while. It's pretty hard but not impossible and it sort of gets easier once you do it more and more...

    It's hard to catch you in the act of doing it, but eventually I think I will succeed. Thanks for sharing :)
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Thank you for sharing this.
     
  5. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    No problem. :)
     
  6. Adam

    Adam SF Supporter

    I have wanted to respond to it for a while but I have been having issues with words.

    (TL:DR The article is nonsense, written by a person with next to no knowledge in the field. Citing a study and drawing conclusions from it that don't exist. Peddles books called, 'Instant Happy' like that is even plausible and doles out potentially risky advice. I pull apart some of her advice and why it should be treated like hugging a rainbow and offer counter points. I then offer alternatives with some actual substance and hopefully benefit. Ultimately though, this book could be of some worth beyond a rainbow, it does not treat you like a stupid person with false promises of the easy fix. Taming a gremlin is hard work but anything worthwhile usually is. http://www.amazon.com/Taming-Your-G...=1386839536&sr=1-1&keywords=tame+your+gremlin.

    The article is utter tripe in my opinion. It is not even all that helpful, just a way to hawk rather redundant books. With such delights as, 'Instant happy.'

    How utterly absurd to think you can be instantly happy, if this were the case psychologists and therapists would be out of business, and pharmaceutical companies would take a significant hit to their profits so this author would be assassinated. I detest this sort of pop psychology, as it is actually harmful in the long run. Empty hope and promise with about as much worth as being told to hug a rainbow. These so called successful people that peddle this nonsense are only successful because they peddle this sort of nonsense and tap into the need for hope and the easy fix. This person is not remotely an authority, and her renaming already existing psychological phenomena as if it is her own nuggets of wisdom is dishonest and misrepresentative of the actual complex science and interactions at work, that are not even mentioned or covered in a balanced manner. She also makes ridiculous inferences from a study that in of itself is somewhat flawed, that I had to dig up as she did not even bother to cite it. The moment you apply this study to humans it all falls apart. Then she draws conclusions from it that don't even exist within the main study itself. I would like to point out you are not a fish , fish don't really have to worry so much about economic pressures or being bullied over the internet for how fat they look. Also fish raised in a tank will learn to not to attempt swim through glass. Just like you are unlikely to run at walls spontaneously with a belief you phase through them like some sort of X-man.

    She also quotes Jung, who is pretty much discredited in the modern age of psychology and is more of a reference point of historical note. Modelling behaviours are well understood as are habits and comfort zones and there is significant truth to them. But the rest of this article is insulting drivel and suggests some dangerous courses of action. If you have suffered trauma you should perhaps find a trauma therapist, they can talk you through it in a way that reduces the intensity of the experience via various techniques that distance you from the turmoil of it all. You become an observer to your memories and emotions instead of being assaulted by them and then are handed the remote. Ruminating on it alone could be triggering and damaging to your mental health and just worsen anxiety and further encourage stress.

    Not all pain has any positive lesson in it. It just is; horrible things just happen. Ruminating on past pain looking for non existent meaning can be just as damaging as the past pain itself. Resulting in you being stuck looking for some elusive meaning, which can be a painful exercise and just leave you bitter with the universe, as if it is consciously out to heap misery on you. Especially when such meaning is hard to find.

    As for being responsible for everything. That is ridiculous, you have no choice who you are born to, how you are raised and various events that occur within your life and the modelled behaviours you pick up as a result. There is a distinct difference between a negative belief and a negative fact. My step fathers fists were a negative fact, that I will not take responsibility for and I am insulted at the implication I should, and that I would choose those fists again out of some notion of discomfort and desire for drama. There was no meaningful lesson in that pain, other than scum exist and will hurt you and taint your world with fear. But you should challenge negative beliefs if they have ceased to be a negative fact or the fact of them is even in question or yet to be demonstrated. You can only be responsible really if you are aware. Awareness takes self reflection and often being taught to challenge your own conclusions about yourself and your world view. That can be very hard if you have been assaulted by toxic people continually, that reinforce your negative beliefs to the point they become unquestioned facts. That is the only valid point this article attempted to make.

    Generally people don't choose pain, I find the assertion that they do disingenuous and neglectful of the full range of self sabotage and the mental illness often at the heart of it, as well as the reasons why. That discussion would require a new thread. But am of the opinion barely any one reads any thing long any more. But here is the absurdity of it summed up. This conversation on a date has never happened any where.

    “Hi there, I was molested as a child and got comfortable with being abused regularly. I am looking for a partner that will dish out regular beatings when I fail to cook peas properly and tear apart my self worth to the point I contemplate the merits of suicide, but cry myself to sleep silently instead. Just wishing some one would save me. As I am most comfortable in this state of masochistic equilibrium, I probably deserve it actually, can't even get peas right. It would be nice if you also enjoy long walks on the beach and were a non smoker.”

    I don't know about you, but if I thought some one was intentionally out to seek abusive experiences I would wager that merits breaking out the mental health act and having them sectioned as a danger to themselves.

    “enterpaining ways.” The problem with this assertion is it makes the assumption people moan about their lives as if that is not valid and is just some sort of enjoyable drama. That may be the case in some cases, but that then is a reflection of an empty life and that is its own pain. If I set you on fire I assure you, you would scream. You have the choice not to scream of course, but you would still likely scream none the less. Pain makes us vocal. After the fires went out you would be left uncomfortable. You would be continually aware of that discomfort and likely make other noises in response to it. That is not enterpaining that is being distressed by something and drawing attention to it. Mental health issues are pretty much the same, the fires that caused them may have gone out but the discomfort remains. Sadly this is an invisible fire so you will garner little sympathy, but eventual contempt as if you choose to be on fire and in discomfort and make noises. All these inconsiderate noisy people. All congregating in a safe seeming place to be noisy.

    Mediation is a good thing, but if you are anything like me an empty mind does not occur, instead my mind tells me what excrement I am and how I should die to save embarrassing myself further. That is more stressful than relaxing. So my suggestion is to perhaps look into visual guided meditations, some are quite new age though so try and find one that suits your tastes. You can find these for free on you tube. Another alternative is progressive muscle relaxation technique. Which forces your body to relax and in theory takes your mind with it. Again these can be found for free on youtube. Finally is mantra meditation. You pick a mantra and repeat it in your head in a rhythm. Your thoughts will likely wander, you just bring them back to the mantra, eventually crowding out the, 'I am excrement,' types of thoughts. After a while you will forget the the thoughts and even the mantra. Congratulations you are now meditating. I hope you find it as refreshing and useful as I do.

    Lastly, as I would hate for you to purchase a rainbow. I recommend this book. It does not treat you with contempt like you are a stupid person that can gain instant happiness with no effort. It is not written In a dry academic way either. It anecdotally helped me, and some of my clients have gained significant benefit from it. Maybe you can too, but it takes some work. http://www.amazon.com/Taming-Your-G...=1386839536&sr=1-1&keywords=tame+your+gremlin
     
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