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Ideas & Opinions This is difficult, could use a little help with this.

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#1
Hi all. I could use some advice or tips or anything you think could contribute to me feeling better about this issue.

How do you build yourself up to talk about things you have never spoken about before? I mean to mental health professionals and other supports.

There are less than a handful of things that I never can talk about, writing it out will make me feel worse.

What to do? I'm actually doing really well, I just want everything out in the open with the people I do already trust.

It feels so hard to reach out about such personal things, these are things I could never speak about but I feel that I'd feel a million dollars if I could talk about them.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
#2
Dear Champagne, I suggest you practice while driving, cooking, showering or any mundane task. Out Loud! Have a pet? Talk to them! After awhile your brain will change and do as you command. Practicing also gets your thoughts in order. Practice what you want to share. I guarantee it. Good Luck and have fun! 👍🏻👄😃🗣🐒
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
I agree, practice can help. I tend to practice a lot of conversations ahead of time, not just the hard ones. It's just how my brain works. But if you can talk out loud you can figure out how to get what you want to across. You can maybe even tell your therapist the general subject and ask them to help you, say that you need them to ask some questions to get the ball rolling. *hug This sounds like great progress though.
 
#5
I write everything down but if you can’t write this down then definitely practice and plan what you are going to say in your head and out loud if you can on your own. When you start to tell someone remember you don’t have to tell them everything all in one go. Tell them how difficult telling them this is going to be so they understand not to pressure you. Tell just one little bit and then see how it feels and how they respond. If you dont want to share any more then you don’t have to. But once you have I hope it will be a weight off your shoulders and will help you in your recovery to feel the happiness you deserve. XX
 

tlaud

Well-Known Member
#6
There are less than a handful of things that I never can talk about, writing it out will make me feel worse.

What to do? I'm actually doing really well, I just want everything out in the open with the people I do already trust.

It feels so hard to reach out about such personal things, these are things I could never speak about but I feel that I'd feel a million dollars if I could talk about them.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Champagne, Only you know what you have experienced, and maybe someday you will open the door by discussing your experience that has a long term effect. When the door is opened, the past may feel harsh and uncomfortable, but if the door remains open the past can be dealt with to move forward rather than remain in one place.

I hope you move forward with the handful of things you mentioned, and trusting people here who are supportive is important. I hope all are, and that you are doing well.
 
#7
I think that, in addition to what others have stated—the biggest thing is getting over this concern, or fear of talking about these serious issues because it is so hard. How? It depends. On you! ;) in other words, every body’s different (as well as every brain). And so what works for some , may not for ... : ) // but back to the beginning; I think what I wold do, were I in your shoes, is to think of several or some small variation in number ( a handful), of things / topics - bulletpoints with which to address. And then, since you probably already likely k no w them in your head by heart (& like be. Back of your hand, as you say), once you’ve got this roadmap of sorts - say 3 things. Or 5... these “spots,” or marks you’ve got to hit, you can begin to think about how you might like to ease into, or bring them up. What might be the best phrasing. And sometimes it’s just easiest to say it as it is. And not try to overdue it (with excessive descriptive language like you’re writing a narrative work of fiction, or something...) — they can then give yoo Feedbakd, or ask you follow -up ‘?s!’ :D you can do it— (who cares what they think? The shrinks..;)) they seen it all. Before & heard it all too, probably far far worse in fact than yours. So what might seem mighty to you, could be rather simple and standard for them to solve/fix/help address & work thru- good luck! Don’t make it bigger than it is. You’re paying them for a service. Now you’ve got to provide them with the appropriate material. : )
 

extraterrestrialone

assembled words vs disjointed thought
SF Supporter
#8
Hi all. I could use some advice or tips or anything you think could contribute to me feeling better about this issue.

How do you build yourself up to talk about things you have never spoken about before? I mean to mental health professionals and other supports.

There are less than a handful of things that I never can talk about, writing it out will make me feel worse.

What to do? I'm actually doing really well, I just want everything out in the open with the people I do already trust.

It feels so hard to reach out about such personal things, these are things I could never speak about but I feel that I'd feel a million dollars if I could talk about them.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
hey Champagne,

i don’t know if i can give advice or not but your questions here make me think of what has been going on with me for the past 2 and a half months or so. maybe some of it will resonate and be helpful. when i started with therapy for the first time several years ago, i almost immediately told my therapist a lie. i said something that was not true and then later in the session or next i revealed that i said it only to be self hurtful. i made her believe i had told a lie as an act of self harm (the thing is it was not a lie. it was the truth.

several months before i said it to a PCP and he took it as truth. but i never saw that doctor again so it remained in my record but nothing more was said about it. so with my therapist i started with a truth as lie and then changed it to a lie as truth. i maintained that real lie for the rest of the time i worked with her. i maintained that lie with a new therapist who i am still working with but over that time - now also about 3 years, i have raised the question concerning the lie or the other lie several times.

but i realized that the truth that i find so hard to be honest about is the cause of my self harm. when one buries the self in so much self deceit it may very well be that to alert the outside self - or better to prompt the outside self to be appropriately responsive to the needs of the inner self - the inner self must do things like self harm to bring the problem to the attention of the outer.

in my case the truth about me was constantly surfacing and i did frequently question what it was but always found ways to reenforce the lie and bury the real me once again. i realize now that the only safe thing to do is to be honest about myself. i’ve begun to talk about it with my therapist in real terms. i just took the step. also i’ve created a fake real me on two other support sites to try the real me out to see how it feels and how i can bring this into my real life.

i’ve tried at least 22 times or more right here on SF to bring it up or to at least hint about it because i need to be completely honest finally but what stops me now is i realize that i must face the real people in my life who know me as dan in my “real” life or as an extraterrestrial of sorts on line who appears to be as me as i appear and that’s how i’m known but like i said, its all lies and its time to just finally be me.

but it is so damn hard to do that. i wish someone would just say it for me. that would actually be a good thing and i’d be grateful, but of course that is kind of overly timid of me or down right cowardly.

my therapist is very supportive but she still leaves all decisions up to me. and here, i’m surrounded by supportive people but they know me as extraterrestrialone and i have an image to live up to. that image is not actually so away from the real me but it also is the pretend me. and until i can just come out and trust the people around me i’m going to feel stuck and in need of help or a push.

or maybe i will be able to find courage that i most likely have but its hidden somewhere.

i have no idea of what you need to talk about. for me what i have to say is all about the reasons for my self harm and my self rescue. it is so crucial now more than ever. like i said, i don’t know what you are hesitant to speak about but i’ve found to make that necessary change is to just keep talking about it as much or as little and even in roundabout ways - and like a pimple stuck deep inside i do feel it rising to the surface and it may be painful once its ready but yeah its going to happen and i will free myself and i will be who i really am.

and nearly forgot to say, i’ve never tried journaling but i do write creatively and i know some of my “secret” does come out in my writing. that does help. i don’t know if you’ve tired creative writing or even nonsense writing. they may help in getting hidden thoughts out without the pain of writing too openly honest. for me the creative writing and the constant attempts to talk about it are working and i think you can do this too. i’m hoping these thoughts here will help.
 

extraterrestrialone

assembled words vs disjointed thought
SF Supporter
#9
I think that, in addition to what others have stated—the biggest thing is getting over this concern, or fear of talking about these serious issues because it is so hard. How? It depends. On you! ;) in other words, every body’s different (as well as every brain). And so what works for some , may not for ... : ) // but back to the beginning; I think what I wold do, were I in your shoes, is to think of several or some small variation in number ( a handful), of things / topics - bulletpoints with which to address. And then, since you probably already likely k no w them in your head by heart (& like be. Back of your hand, as you say), once you’ve got this roadmap of sorts - say 3 things. Or 5... these “spots,” or marks you’ve got to hit, you can begin to think about how you might like to ease into, or bring them up. What might be the best phrasing. And sometimes it’s just easiest to say it as it is. And not try to overdue it (with excessive descriptive language like you’re writing a narrative work of fiction, or something...) — they can then give yoo Feedbakd, or ask you follow -up ‘?s!’ :D you can do it— (who cares what they think? The shrinks..;)) they seen it all. Before & heard it all too, probably far far worse in fact than yours. So what might seem mighty to you, could be rather simple and standard for them to solve/fix/help address & work thru- good luck! Don’t make it bigger than it is. You’re paying them for a service. Now you’ve got to provide them with the appropriate material. : )
& @Champagne this seems nearly opposite of what i was trying to suggest but it really is good advice too. i think you have lots of options and one method or another as mentioned here as well, will bring you to a place where addressing issues will be something you can do.
 

Aurelia

🔶🔸✴ 👑 ✴🔸🔶
#10
If I'm afraid of someone's reaction to what I'm going to say or just don't want to be around at the time in case I get embarrassed or something by how they react, then I'd write it down for them and tell them to read it later when I'm not there. Then when they've had the time to process it, I feel more ready to talk because then I don't have to worry about them first reacting to it.
 

Sad Elf

Well-Known Member
#11
This may not be appropriate for your situation but in case it is I will share...... When I saw someone about traumatic childhood events I just couldn't talk about it from the perspective of it happening to me. I had a small owl shaped keyring that I used and held in my hand and talked about the experience in the third person like it happened to the owl.

Now I write it down it sounds ridiculous and I guess it's easier to do it if your awoman, also I guess it depends what you need to say, anyway it helped me say things I could never say out loud.

Feeling like a proper twit now, if this hasn't helped, at least it might have made u laugh.
 

Gonz

sick and tired of being sick and tired
#12
If I'm afraid of someone's reaction to what I'm going to say or just don't want to be around at the time in case I get embarrassed or something by how they react, then I'd write it down for them and tell them to read it later when I'm not there. Then when they've had the time to process it, I feel more ready to talk because then I don't have to worry about them first reacting to it.
I'm finally going to be starting therapy soon and I think this is the approach I'm gonna have to take.

Combined with what @sinking_ship said about giving them the basics and having them ask questions.

Like, literally give them a document titled "Ask Me About These Things" with a bunch of bullet points.

I just kinda feel like, if I try to bring up this stuff in person, it'll turn into a weird rambling mess. Whereas, if I give them the basics of what I want to talk about in advance, but let them take the lead when it comes to getting info out of me, deciding what or how much is relevant, and just keeping things orderly, then I think the time spent on it could be a lot more productive.
 

Gonz

sick and tired of being sick and tired
#13
This may not be appropriate for your situation but in case it is I will share...... When I saw someone about traumatic childhood events I just couldn't talk about it from the perspective of it happening to me. I had a small owl shaped keyring that I used and held in my hand and talked about the experience in the third person like it happened to the owl.

Now I write it down it sounds ridiculous and I guess it's easier to do it if your awoman, also I guess it depends what you need to say, anyway it helped me say things I could never say out loud.

Feeling like a proper twit now, if this hasn't helped, at least it might have made u laugh.
That doesn't sound ridiculous, nor do you come across as a twit, nor does it seem like something to laugh at. Sounds like an effective way to convey some extremely sensitive information, and you should be proud of yourself for finding a way to get it out when so many never find a way to speak of their trauma at all.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#14
When you start to tell someone remember you don’t have to tell them everything all in one go.
This is what I would go with. Just say "hey so I have a background in severe drug dependency" or "This happened to me when I was younger but I'm not ready to talk about". You don't have to tell them everything at once but it's nice to know the idea of what they're working with.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#15
i’ve tried at least 22 times or more right here on SF to bring it up or to at least hint about it because i need to be completely honest finally but what stops me now is i realize that i must face the real people in my life who know me as dan in my “real” life or as an extraterrestrial of sorts on line who appears to be as me as i appear and that’s how i’m known but like i said, its all lies and its time to just finally be me.
No time like the present Dan-o. I think you should just say what is going on - to as many people or in as many places as you can - so you can see that this isn't going to destroy you. Those of us here at SF are always here to be your friend and nothing you say at this juncture is changing that.
 

Nick

☆☆Still Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#17
This may not be appropriate for your situation but in case it is I will share...... When I saw someone about traumatic childhood events I just couldn't talk about it from the perspective of it happening to me. I had a small owl shaped keyring that I used and held in my hand and talked about the experience in the third person like it happened to the owl.

Now I write it down it sounds ridiculous and I guess it's easier to do it if your awoman, also I guess it depends what you need to say, anyway it helped me say things I could never say out loud.

Feeling like a proper twit now, if this hasn't helped, at least it might have made u laugh.
I've been known to talk about past events in the third person, just so I could get them out. I don't think that sounds ridiculous. Whatever it takes to get through it sometimes.
 

Lugh

New Member
#18
FWIW, I got a free dictaphone app for my phone, and talked into it when I needed to work out my feelings. Since I was not talking to another person, and I could delete the recordings, it felt safe. Sometimes it might take a couple of minutes of talking for me to get to the point of saying or understanding what I was feeling. It seemed to get easier as I did it more frequently.

It also let me understand my own cycles of emotion better over time, because I could listen back to what I had said at different times.

I've probably deleted more than half the recordings, but some had important realisations on them, and it's been useful to listen to those again.
 
#20
Some great advice already here.

@Champagne , you might want to try telling the mental health professionals something like, "There are some things that I want to say to you, but I'm finding it hard. Can you help me figure out a way to make it easier for me to talk to you?"

Or maybe you could say something like "There are some things that I've never spoken about before, and it's really hard for me to talk about them, but I feel like I'd feel much better if I could talk about them. Can you give me some suggestions about what to do?"

I hope that something can help

Hugs
 

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