For the last month my life has been utter hell. The woman I have shared my life with for the last 4 years suddenly left me without any explanation. In the time since she has been gone I've gotten next to no contact from her, no explanation as to why this all happened, and I don't fore see that changing any time soon. At the same time that my romantic life has fallen to pieces and I've had to accept that everything I've been planning on is no longer a possibility, my financial future has been held hostage by the university I attend. For an entire month they have been deciding whether or not they will grant me in state tuition or not. If they say yes, then I've got a chance. If they say no, then I'll have to take on $65,000 in student debt just for the last year of my Bachelor's degree. I went to the student mental health center to try and talk to them, but it took me nearly 2 weeks to be seen and that was just for a 20 minute "triage" appointment to see what I'll need going forward. They're trying to fit me in for more sessions, but my class schedule didn't match up with their openings and he isn't sure what they'll be able to do for me. I hear back from them about my options tomorrow. Yesterday I bought the means to end my life and even found the spot at which I plan to do it. The only thing holding me back right now are the loose ends of what to do as far as leaving behind an explanation and finding some way to make sure my dog will be taken care of properly once I'm gone without alerting people as to what I'm planning. A month ago at this time I was with the love of my life planning our wedding together. This time a month from now I can't even convince myself I'll still be alive. This semester is falling apart because my efforts in class have been in the dumps for about 3 weeks now. I've sleep walked through two tests already and I don't think I have much time left before this semester is totally lost to me. Everything is slipping away so quickly and I can't seem to do anything about it. The easy way out is getting harder and harder to rule out.