I don't even know what to write anymore. I obviously have things I could tell you about my life, but if I even typed them I would kill myself before I could finish. I'm in so much pain, all the time, and I NEVER EVER EVER EVER get a break from that. I'm never happy. I never smile. I never can sleep. All I know is the darkness I'm in, and how horrible I feel all the time. I've tried every way possible to feel better: I've moved around, found new people, tried new jobs, studied different things in school, went to a rehab program, tried cognitive behavioral therapy, everything. And I haven't had a single moment of happiness or peace of mind. I feel like my mind is fucking screaming at me, all day long. I don't want to kill myself, but I know this isn't "life". Nothing about my life is living. Everything is fucking awful. I'm in hell.