This is how easy I am

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheWr0ngChild, Oct 29, 2008.

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  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    To get into a full blown panic. Fucking itunes came up with a weird message whenI restared my computer, like itunes does being basicaly mac software on a PC, it's all ok of course. So I start getting wound up, move on from itunes and suddenly realise how much sleep I've had these last few days. I've not been very well, I've had some weird virus thats kept me awake at night. So I sit here feeling like I'm having a heart attack, still can't calm down.

    I'm still coughing and I can't breathe through my nose still.

    So I pop yet more stupid codeine pills to calm down.

    I'm pathetic
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You're not pathetic.
    You got easily worked up, it's not a huge deal
  3. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Thanks Spencer :hug:

    It's partly because of my Asperger Syndrome, and my drug addiction won't help. It's a temporary fix and it's a horrible place to be. It's going to really do me damage one day. I've had enough of it, if it was heroin or cocaine or something like that I would have probably got help by now, but because it's available over the counter nobody (even most doctors) beleives it's as addictive as it is.

    I have a love hate relationship with it, I lay awake sometimes at night and I swear I hear it (the codeine) telling me " you hate me but you can't live without me".

    I am becoming so false, so deluded that this is a normal life it's starting to frighten me. I don't know what to do anymore. I've begged for help but I've been turned away at all angles. Nobody is interested, partly because they can't milk any cash out of me and partly because my IQ is "too high".

    I dunno about that anymore, I must have a pretty low IQ in order to get addicted to drugs you can buy at the fucking chemists. Durrrr I fail, epicaly.

  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You are not all bad or all are imperfect, just like the rest of have a drug you want to fix it??? if so, and understanding it is tough, process with others what has worked for them and see what will work for you...and you are right...few ppl, even professionals understand Aspergers...there are a handful of members with Aspergers...maybe forming a group of some sort would be helpful...I have treated ASD for many yrs and would gladly be involved in this project...all the best, J
  5. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    It's not so simple with me, because not only do I have the mighty physical addiction, I have the OCD and obsessive parts of my Aspergers too. I used to drink too much, now I pop Codeine. One thing transfers to another with me, like I kicked the drink now I'm on the pills.

    Giving up any addiction with me soon leads to another, so, am I better with the devil I know or the devil I don't.
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