This is how people view me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jscott, Sep 2, 2007.

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  1. jscott

    jscott New Member

    I was lurking as usual and came across this

    And this wasn't written by a troll, rather a well-respected SF contributor - a Site Buddy, in fact. I am black, and honestly, I felt betrayed after reading this. Others may not take as much offense, but I guess they aren't as emotionally fragile as I am. Maybe I'm overreacting, but it really is disconcerting to see something like this on what's supposed to be a suicide support forum. God, and it's from a Site Buddy? It's a shame, I can no longer read this person's posts without thinking about that comment.

    Whenever I'm out in public, I feel like I'm being judged constantly - everyone here has felt this. I'm too short...too fat. When I hear a group of people laugh when I walk by, my instinctive thoughts are, Why are they laughing at me? What am I doing wrong? I don't like my clothes. When it's cool out, I wear my hoodie both indoors and out because I hate all of my t-shirts. I have to wear a hat whenever I go out because I hate my hair. I live in a mostly white area and often wonder, when I'm out at the store or someplace, if people are afraid of me. I've always believed that I was just being paranoid, that this is some sort of phase, but it turns out it really is true. People care only about physical appearance, it's nice to pretend otherwise, but that's the way it is - humans are superficial scum. I've isolated myself for the past five years, and I'm beginning to think it's a good thing. The only reasons I leave my room anymore are to attend classes and get fast food.

    Sigh...you learn something knew about yourself everyday, don't you? I don't remember causing crimes and rapes and abuse. Same goes for my mother, father, sister, brother, the rest of my family, my black friends (in the past, have no friends now) and classmates, and so on. I am a full-time college student, and generally keep to myself. Oh well, guilty by association. To many people, I will always be a lowlife inward. I am a short, worthless black kid who will never fall in love or make any new friends. I can just never find the right words to say when I'm around others. I am seriously ready to off myself, I don't have a date set but I have a plan. Just a single argument with a family member could trigger it. It's time I let natural selection take its course.

    Sloppy writing, I'm sorry, and I also apologize if I'm overreacting.
     
  2. daripa85

    daripa85 Member

    I know one thing. It only takes one misguided comment or insult to make a person paranoid enough to think that everyone sees them that way. I still have problems thinking that people talk about my rather large chest. I guess we'll just have to learn not to care about what people think about us. And so what if some :censored: here thinks all black people are criminals. He just ignorant and that's just the way he was nurtured.
     
  3. gemusan

    gemusan Active Member

    You have to just let comments like this go. Just because this person is an active participant of SF doesn't mean he is wiser than anyone else. There are plenty of racists in our country and we just have to accept the fact that they exist. If you let them get to you, they've won.
     
  4. jscott

    jscott New Member

    I know, if only it were that easy. But whether or not there are racists I would still end up killing myself
     
  5. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    That ignorant post of his/hers is little-worth your time. But I understand and empathize. Please know that you're heard.

    I've got few words. Just an open PM box. Feel absolutely free to it.
     
  6. ybt

    ybt Guest

    I suggest that if a Site Buddy were to make such a post they be revoked from the list.
     
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry that someone has made you feel this way jscott. As was mentioned, it only takes one comment like that to destroy so much. I know there are many, if not more that don't feel that way. A person should be noted for who they are and what they have done, noty anyone else. Each person is an individual. Just because others have done something does not mean they should be stereotyped. Everyone deserves an equal chance. I hope you are able to overcome comments like these and rise above them. That is not who you are., so don't let anyone say otherwise. :hug:
     
  8. rojomi

    rojomi Banned Member

    You may want to use the Contact Us link @ the bottom of the page. The mods/admin are pretty good at keeping an eye on this type of post and whoever wrote it. The forum is supposed to be about support, not condemnation. The post you quoted is just from another nut; the place is crawling with 'em:laugh:

    I've questioned admin. about why they're not moderated or banned and the answers were justified up to a point. For some reason, there are certain long time members who enjoy justification, tolerance of their blatant disregard for the guidelines. While others who step outside of the boundaries are moderated or banned immediately upon notification by one of what I call "The Chosen Ones", a select few. Such is life, nobody said it was fair.: I've learned who & what to avoid & try to play nice w/ the other kids:dry:

    As far as how you're viewed, we can't see you. Race is not an issue w/ 99.9% of the members, i'd wager. At the risk of sounding patronizing, i offer the fact that i'm white & have had black friends & lovers-often wished i could trade places:smile:
     
  9. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    jscott - I'm very sorry that someone felt they had to say something like that. As a white, I can tell you that not all of us feel that way. I wish I could say very few of us do. I know that isn't so so I won't say it. But I will say that the ones who do feel that way are either ignorant or just plain stupid.

    Black folks are very often great, honest, talented, honest people. Please believe me. The last thing in the world that we need is unnecessary racial tension. Of course, some of it will always exist but you need not feel the entire white race hates you because we don't.
     
  10. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, there is a little racist in everyone. They range from non-violent to violent. People do judge by the way a person dresses. I'm sorry to bust it to you like this, friend, but in New York City, people usually see people wearing hoodies as suspicious. I don't want to sound like a racist, but i'd suggest you stop wearing hoodies unless its the winter or something (otherwise people will be suspicious of you). I'll sound like racist, ok, i am, Most of the time a person behaves the way he/she dresses. I can tell idiots/punks/troublemakers from the non-troublemakers. This may seem too sterotypical but in 100% cases its true. My black friend, he dresses in a plaid shirt/friendly t-shirts/wears jeans up to the waist and he's one of the coolest dudes i've ever known. All the black/hispanic/white people who dresses in a non-gangsta way are generally friendlier and much more approach-able and able to dive with right into a friendly conversation. Yes, i do realize there are horrible people who dress themselves nicely. But on a case by case basis, i'd rather talk to the non-hooded person than the hooded one.

    People always judge, unfortunately. But i'd rather just try to build up my own confidence than to worry about those idiots. As for you thinking your are too short or too fat, you should try to build up confidence in yourself. Perhaps you can find a hairstyle that you'd like. Good luck with you and i'd ignore what mean things people say otherwise they'd always be putting you down!

    Again, sorry if i seem a little racist in this response.
     
  11. hwynym

    hwynym Guest

    I don't think you're overreacting. That post pi$$ed me off royally, too. I'm white - in fact, I'm frog-belly white - but nobody should have to put up with that kind of small-minded crap on a SUPPORT site. I've found racists of all races - white, black, latino, asian...all share one thing - they refuse to learn any differently and hold on to their ignorance with fierce determination.

    If I were to really post what I think should happen to that idiot, I'd probably get banned.

    Keep your eyes up and never look away when you meet someone like this - even online. I guarantee they'll flinch first.
     
  12. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    jscott;

    I am as white as white can be...I jokingly call myself "clear" (red hair, freckles, transluscent skin). And I can tell you this:

    People who say things like this are not only ignorant, but (in my experience) the minority. I would never be friends with someone who said such things, and if anyone (and it has happened from time to time) ever says anything like that in my presence, I tell them exactly how ridiculous they are (I'm kind of a bitch!)

    Some people say they do not see color. This is stupid also. We ALL see color, and I for one, celebrate the fact that we as humans can all look so different and yet be so much alike. I think it's wonderful.

    I have some people in my life (family) who can be racist simply because when they were young, they were beat up or tormented by black people or whatever, and I can understand I guess how that might leave an imprint on your psyche as an adult, but mature, reasonable and intelligent people move beyond this and see the situation for what it was...one kid picking on another...that's it. It happens everywhere, regardless of race or creed.

    I can tell you something I have learned, which is that with every passing year, racism becomes more and more tabboo, and race becomes less of an issue (thank goodness).

    Intelligent people know we are all equal and do not judge people based on such sill criteria. There are so many better reasons to hate people than the color of their skin right? I, for example, tend to judge people based on whether or not they are total assholes. Guess where the starter of this post falls in my estimation?

    Hang in there, and please do not let someone like this be the reason you leave this world.
     
  13. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Also, I would personally rather the starter of this thread was exported to Siberia to make room for 100 well-intentioned, decent people of another race. People like this make all white people look like dicks and it pisses me off to no end, because he mis-represents all of us and does so much harm to racial relations in this country.

    I don't believe in affirmative action (anymore...in the 60's it was necessary, now not so much...IMO, almost any business that would discriminate against a person because of skin color will be boycotted and will naturally fail...at least, where I come from) and I don't believe in ANY kind of racism, be it from blacks or whites...I think it is intolerable in every form. We should all be judged based on our merits and not on the color of our skin.

    Why can't we just concentrate on our similarities instead of polarizing ourselves according to race? Be proud of who you are and where you come from, of course...but to actually make business and personal descisions based on race? That is idiotic and these people will fail of their own accord. They have just enough rope to hang themselves with...let them do it.
     
  14. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Could it be that they're responding appropriately to the way that you're behaving towards them? In other words, if you've already decided that someone is a bad person just by the way they look, your mind is probably going to find a way to make reality conform to what it's thinking. Believe it or not, people can read body language and if you're giving them that look, they're probably not going to take kindly to it. You just admitted that you're thinking it so now think about this. When you're giving them looks and all this is going on in your mind, they know what you're thinking and that just might be why they're not as friendly.

    Another issue is that minorities get used to being looked down on and after a while, like anyone else would, they come to expect it. Even if you're not hostile, they expect you to be because many people are. Most people are cool once they realize that you're cool. You might have to put up with a bit of attitude before they realize it though. Most people just want to be treated right and not like 2nd class citizens.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2007
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