This is it...can anyone help me?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Heavenly Star, Oct 4, 2010.

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  1. Heavenly Star

    Heavenly Star Well-Known Member

    please forgive me for rambling on but i've had a lot going on recently and i want to share it with you all to see if anyone can help me or give me any advice because i don't know what to do anymore. I'm mostly looking for UK specific advice but would also like to hear from people outside the UK.

    I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Over the past 2 weeks or so i've been feeling very, very depressed and suicidal and made almost daily attempts at ending my life. i've tried a few different methods. some of those methods resulted in me being detained by the police for my own safety, taken to the police station, kept in cell overnight then being assessed by a mental health team. Each time, the mental health team say i don't have a mental illness or disorder and i'm not detainable under the mental health act. The police are now fed up of having to deal with me and i was warned i would be arrested for wasting police time or causing a public nuisance if i were to be detained again.

    on saturday evening i was very distressed and started to attempt to take my own life again. My parents were worried and called my crisis team who then told them to call the police. they did so and the police arrived and got into the house. I had already inflicted injuries on myself, although they weren't life threatening. The police eventually left the house despite me still harming myself. Shortly after, they were called back again by my parents and this time i was arrested for breach of the peace. I was taken to the police station where i was then also arrested with wasting police time. i spent a few hours in the cells and was then released on bail whilst they see if they have enough evidence to charge me.

    The crisis team and my mental health team have said i am doing this as 'attention seeking' and am not detainable so the police have no option but to charge/arrest me. I have been offered no help or support by my team and now even my family have had enough of me. They've not been in touch at all since to see how i am and they have told me to 'please myself' and if i want to harm myself then it's my choice (something which my mental health team have said to me several times).

    The truth is, i wasn't doing it for attention. That didn't even enter my mind/thoughts. I just wanted to hurt myself and die/kill myself. I am just a very depressed, desperate person who wants help badly. Some could see it as a cry for help maybe, although that wasn't even what i was thinking either.

    Anyway, since then I have ceased eating and drinking. I have barricaded myself in my bedroom and cut off all communication with everyone including my family. I am simply going to waste away in my room and die. at least no one can accuse me of attention seeking then because i wouldn't have had any contact with anyone.

    I am just in so much emotional pain right now. it's like someone is repeatedly stabbing me in my heart. What a cold, heartless, cruel world we live in when someone who is in desperate need of help is simply cast aside like a piece of junk.

    All i can wish for now is that death comes quickly. I just want my suffering and pain to end.

    If anyone out there can offer me some advice on if there is anything more i can do then i would really appreciate it. I've spoken to just about everyone i can. doctors, support workers etc... but i get the same response from them all. because i've had so many dealings with them i've now been labelled a nuisance and attention seeker. I've been completely honest with them about how things are for me and how i'm feeling but it doesn't seem to make any difference. they simply don't care.

    I'm really sorry for the long post but i needed to get it all out.

    My heart is broken

  2. loser

    loser Well-Known Member

    Where in UK are you?
    Please drink water. Dehydration will make things worse.
    Most of us feel pretty confused when we get in postion like yours.
    Part of you will be wanting help.
    But you do not know how and neither it seems do the people who are supposed to help you. Forget about them and focus on what you can do now to relieve your pain and a drink of water might help you get a moment of calm.
    There may be local refuge where you can go.
    But I think your problem now may be partly caused by physical exhaustion and neglect.
    Try to activate the part of you that wants to pull through.
    There is a spark there.
    Don't worry about being accused of attention seeking.
    Pay attention to yourself.Get sip of water.
    Then check your local Mind group on Internet.
    See what help is available.
  3. Alonewanderer

    Alonewanderer Active Member

    You do realize you'll pass out long before you die and take a wild guess what happens next? You're going to be strapped to a gurney while they force feed you even with a tube inserted into your stomach if you get feisty. Do you really want to have hospital staff baby you?

    Look if your main concern is inflicting pain try joining a MMA gym/boxing/fightclub. I wouldn't recommend picking random barfights but sometimes kicking some ass or getting your ass kicked is a HELL of a stress relief. Who knows, you may like it so much it'll become a hobby or if you rock at it maybe your reason for living.
  4. dreams4life

    dreams4life Well-Known Member

    Please go eat something. Don't be so disastrous on your body. Love yourself and don't hate yourself so much. Please go eat something. You are making things worse by starving. You need recovery. Don't give into the wrong voices in your head, but rather take wise decisions. If the voice tells you to die, do the opposite. Live and don't give up. We are here for you. We want to hear good news from you.
  5. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I read this with a tear in my eye.
    I feel your pain
    I cant believe no one is listening to you and trying to help, it makes me so angry. I am in the UK. Im not sure what i can do to help except offer a kind ear to listen to you. If you ever want to talk just PM me.
    I think you need to eat and drink it might make you feel a bit better. Can you not ask to see other docs or psychiatrists? Ignore the police they are fools, iv had a lot of dealings with them through my brothers. Most of them are just bullies.
    Why do they think you are just wasting there time? Its not normal to feel the way you are feeling. You deserve to be heard and supported.
    Please keep talking on here.
    Im sorry if i havnt been much help, im here if you need me
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Heavenly Star. I'm so sorry that you're in so much pain and that it seems like no one is willing to help you. You have to help yourself get better hun. It's all up to you now. You need to drink some clean, fresh water and clear your mind. Then eat some healthy, delicious food and get some energy back. You have to realize that you're a caring and beautiful person and that the world is a better place with you in it. Love yourself, and don't hurt yourself anymore. :hug: :cheekkiss:
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