It's becoming too much. Right now I'm on Valium just to get through the day. I don't know for how long I can do that anymore. I need to set a date soon as possible. I need to plan where, how, when and write some letters to my family. I'm already withdrawn from my friends so it doesn't matter to try to say goodbye to them. I haven't been on school for over 2 weeks, I'm going today so I'll have to face them but I hope this is the last time. I can't bear to look at their judgmental faces and handle all the why are you never at school/you are not going to pass phrases they repeat to me a billion times. I KNOW! Just stop shoving it in my face. I know what my past, present and future is. Stop telling what I already know. The letters are by the way to my sister and brother. I'm suppose to be their role model and need to tell them not to end up like me. I'm already dead to my parents when they find out I didn't pass highschool. My mom said she would kick me out if that happened. Well it did! But don't worry mom I'll get rid of myself before you get your chance to kick me out. I hope my brother and sister will remember the good things about me and avoid the mistakes I've made. At the same time, I hope they'll forget me fast because I hated to have existed and don't want this to affect them too much.