This is it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost soul, Dec 21, 2006.

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  1. lost soul

    lost soul Guest

    I don't think I can fight any longer. I have asked a relative to have the little one and my mum is having the others for me.

    I am now alone, I have got what I need and I am outta this place. I am fed up of having to put a brave face on life and others expect me to be there for them without the return.

    I have no friends and am totally isolated so there will be very little people who would care if I was dead, I really can't think of any reason to stay alive.

    Thankyou all xx
     
  2. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    There's always someone who will notice, even if they do take you for granted, it's a hard lesson for them to have to learn. Can you not live for yourself for a change?
    Get away from them and have time on your own just to see if anything changes. A week to think is what you owe yourself for lasting this long.
    I hope you get your answer.
     
  3. AWT

    AWT Member

    Hi LostSoul,

    I remember us talking at the beginning of November.. Now's the time to end the secrecy with your family about how desperate you are.. There is always an alternative to this.

    Please let me know you're OK.
     
  4. deathwalking

    deathwalking Well-Known Member

    h2osmack...good advice.I've planned a weeks vaction...just bymyself.I hope to find some solution to get me out of this mess.But if not, im bringing what I need to leave.I expect to be gone before the near yr tho...it's worth a try anyway...
     
  5. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    lost soul, please, don't do it, just forget the brave face, and make clear to everyone that you are the one in need now, I am sure if they allways expect you to be there for them they would do something in return, they must!
    Just think of you first, and I know it's hard to believe now, but it could be good what lays ahead...you know you will be missed, and I'm not going to black mail you emotionally but you know what impact it will have in some lifes....try to give it a time, you're on new meds aren't you? they need to kick in dear, just hang on a little longer
    I don't know what to say anymore, I just hope you read this on time and reconsider.
    biggest hugs, here for you :arms:
    helena
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    As helena said, it may be time to face the world with your real face. Not the brave one you put on to make everyone think things are fine. Don't isolate yourself and make things easier for you to pull away. Your children need you, and you need them. You can stay strong and survive this feeling. Take a step back and think of what you would say to someone else. You would tell them of all the things they have to live for, just as I am trying to tell you now. You are important hun. Don't give up. Please. :hug:
     
  7. lost soul

    lost soul Guest

    Thankyou for your kind words all of you.
    I really cannot go on, I have come to the end, the world is turning but I have stopped.
    The children don't need me. They need someone who is stable, not someone who could ruin their lives. I don't deserve to be their mum. Their dad will learn to do a better job than I have.
    I have stepped and have thought about what I would say to someone, but I cannot look at what I would say to someone and take the advice in myself.
    I cannot get my head round the new meds, I have never been an angry person, I have never shouted at my children and the oldest is 9, but I have started to since being on these, I am one nasty mum.
     
  8. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    you can try to convince yourself they're better off without you but it's just not true, and surely to the 9 year old you can explain what's going on a little, she knows you would never shout if you weren't sick, you know?Noone can replace your own mom, specially the one you are, not abusive,not a nasty one.you wont ruin their lifes if you keep trying, you might do if you kill yourself, I am so sorry to be this hard but it's the truth....those things do stay printed in ones mind, not a lash out, if you explain a bit whats going on...it's not a shame, its not a choice to be depressed.
    Please, think this very well over, and i assure you there where times I thought just like you.
    :hug:
     
  9. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    We would notice if you were gone. We also care about you too. Let us help you work through this. It will be alright.
     
  10. lost soul

    lost soul Guest

    Well, I thought I would have a last ditched attempt at seeking help and I think I have made things worse.

    I rang my health visitor up and asked her to get me through seeking some help.

    In the mean time, I manage to build a little bit of trust. I ended up bawling and she commented that she had never seen me do this. I told her about the deaths, the rape, the lack of sleep, my sons unruly behaviour and my suicide attempts.

    Well now, what sort of a mother has that me look like. A totally crap one. I bet she even reports it to social services now. She has said that she will put me in contacy with a few places, so I will hang in and see what turns out of those, but I feel so alone. I wish I had friends in which I could talk to, alot of my problems is that I cant talk to anyone.
     
  11. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hi :),
    i'm glad you keep seeking help, and if things work as they do here, and I think it's the most logycal,social works try to keep the family together, if there's no case of abuse or svere negleting of the children, and I am sure it's not the case.
    It makes you a brave mother, because you come out about things that happened to you and I bet, I am sure it must have been painfull; You are brave because you keep holding on, and I really hope that you get the proper help, it really takes a lot of courage to expose yourself.I think you can be proud of yourself, I am :)
    I am so sorry you're so alone, it really do us good to have a listening hear, and all we can do here is at least offer you a virtual one, it's not the same and it doesn't replace a real shoulder, but maybe you can try to regain old friends...this is the good time of the year to take such steps they say....I know how difficult it is, but maybe it's rewarding.
    You can "talk"to me anytime you need, I'll try to be around for you as much as I can.

    :hug:
    helena
     
  12. lost soul

    lost soul Guest

    Thankyou for the kind offer

    I am so scared. The social services have been on the doorstep, thankfully hubby was out. They said I have to prove to them that the children are safe from the guy that raped me, they are, but how do I prove that one.

    I don't want them to take the children away, if thats the case, I might as well leave the world now as that will be the first thing I will do if they take them away. This is making the descision a lot easier and I tell you something I know I will do it properly, there will be no messing, I am heartbroken.
     
  13. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    that man is your children´s father? because if he is, you can´t live your children with him. if somebody takes them aay from you, you must fight for them, because you love them.
     
  14. lost soul

    lost soul Guest

    No, it's not the children's dad. It's someone I knew from a while ago. I have moved house so he doesn't know where I live now, but I am too ashamed of admitting that these guys have done this to me to my hubby as I am usually a strong person and he would probably go after him/them and get locked up himself and that wouldnt do the children any good.
     
  15. Veevs

    Veevs Member

    Oh god I wish I never came to this forum..

    Please not for the reasons you say.. I have mine but I would not go there in your position...

    talk to me and dont hold back...
     
  16. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    You are not alone. We are here for you.
     
  17. RockRchick13

    RockRchick13 Member

    You have kids right? Then how can you say no one would care if you were no longer here? My parents divorce was hard enough on me and my dad is still around. Think of them. Losing a parent or someone onne cares about is very hard. That's not something your kids would get over.
     
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