I can't do this anymore. I'm so fuckin tired. I'm tired of being who I am, tired of feeling so much hate when all I want is to feel loved. I have the greatest guy in my life, he's fuckin wonderful and I should be happy, but I'm still struggling so much. Tonight is the worst of it, tonight I feel like dying, tonight I want to lock myself in my room and just cut. I want to pop so many fuckin pills and ust give up trying. There's nothing left inside of me, no energy to fight, no will to live, no strength to even begin to try and climb back up aagain from being pushed so far under. Im tired of being the constant one to help people and not once in return have these people offereed up a second of their time. I'm tired of feeling so fuckin' useless, tired of wanting to try so hard for other pepople and not try at all for myself. I can't even begin to explain what the fuck is wrong with me tonight...i feel so fuckin' sick. so fuckin sick and i just don't care...i just wnat to sink beneath the surface and die...just fuckin die. P.S. Terry you dont need to reply b/c you always do. You dont have to waste ur time on me..it's okay.