As I am sitting here, I am thinking a lot about life. I mean, the people I know and this body and mind I have as well as the the things going on in my life every day and every night, meaninglessly. Meaningless in the sense that I don't know what purpose does it truly serves. I think about the faces of the people I really known and the words they said to me, whether they are mocking me, threatening me, yelling at me or praising me, I like to wonder if they are genuine? I know there are good people in this world, but what really is 'good people'? I mean, the people I've known in my life who's supposed to be the ones I trust most abandoned me at a time I needed most, and now that its over, its not really over. The damage is done and worst of all, life is said and times has passed. Living my life is like going through the motions and trying to ignore my heartache at the same time no matter how hard it is. My love for life is running dry each day though I try to live and love the simpler things in life and to appreciate a simple yet profound beauty of the many wonders in life but I guess its just not sufficient to fight against this pain. I read from a certain source it says 'suicidal thoughts occurs when pain exceeds coping resources'. So in this case, its easy to say that I am indeed lacking of coping resources. All the songs and films that I have watched sometimes reflects they way my life goes and the way it should have been. And maybe regrets is just as bad as pain or maybe even worst. I know I have too much of regrets and so its no surprise I am saying this. I thought of the things people told me before; life is beautiful, always look on the positive side of things and inspiring words like that. But does it really apply? I mean, maybe it is applicable for people like them who doesn't have to endure to much of heartache and pain and go on to enjoy all the luxuries in life. I can always feel bad because I am not one of them, I can always cry because I have to face my sorrows and despondencies instead of laughing and having a good time with my loved ones. I don't have any loved ones as I think about it, one of the reasons I find it a struggle just to learn how to love life. 'Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all'..yeah, I know that. But I also know learning to love myself is the most difficult of all love..