This is long but need advice!! Please!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Random21, Aug 22, 2008.

  1. Random21

    Random21 Member

    So me and g/f attempted an open relationship. THESE NEVER WORK!!! Everyone said it but we were sure it would. We met in middle school and started going out in 8th grade till into college!! I KNEW that we would be together forever and so did she. However, she met this guy we worked with and they fell for each other.
    The open reltionship thing was supposed to be only physical so when they both admitted feelings for each other. I told her to stop seeing him because this is cheating. She said she would not mess around with him but no one was going to tell her who to see. So she continued to see him. All this started almost 2 years ago.
    Anyway our reltionship fell apart and shebroke up with me. After 8 years, we live together. We can' afford to move. and guess what?
    SHE IS SEEING THAT MOTHERFUCKER!!! She actually started a reltionship just 5 months after the breakup. I know the guy and since she can't drive he comes over here to get her. She won't tell anyone about her new reltionship becuase he is 38 and shes 20. So she tries to talk to me.
    Here's why I am cutting now and smoking and wanting to die. She wont admit she cheated and she has been going everywhere with him, spending all kinds of money. I could barely get her to a grocery store. She says she loves me but treats me like a child and keeps looking for excuses to yell.

    She's the fucking bitch!! She cheated not me. I love her more than anything. I would have done anything for her. But to literally see her with someone else let alone the guy she left me for? And have her show no remorse but continue to constantly guilt trip me. She says she is trying to move on. But its not fair that she can move on with him. I can't stand it. I was his fucking friend and can't stop picturing them. I love her so much and she says how much she loves me. I believe her but this is more than i can stand. She wont move out and I wont kick her out. She says shes looking for a place but is full of shit. I cant even look at her.

    She always makes a point to say how much she understands. Yet she has n clue what she is doing to me and is tryig to justify i by using my mistakes as her justifictions than denying that. She needs firends but her only other close friend is her new boyfriend.

    One last thing. He has two kids a failed marriage and failed other reltionship. Me and her were going to have kids. Im 21 and shes 20. We were growing up together. Now she suddenly feels oky getting involved with a guy with two kids? She even might move in with him (first he has to leave his parents). ITs just horrible. I am going to college I am trying to fix my problems. I am in therapy, doing all I can. I am ambitious. This ass is still working a shitty job where I worked and so did she. He went to college but has no ambitions. He has no friends and I see her not going back to college and isolating with him. Since their reltionship is a secret they hang out with no one.

    So my question is despite how strong I sound here. The second she comes home I get confused. Se makes me feel like shit. She says she understands but clearly doesn't. I want so bad for her to leave him. I can't stop thinking about it. I want to die. I keep cutting because I can't get through to her and it is the only thing that prevens me from freaing out on him or her even more than i have. I am so confused so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  2. XXXXX

    XXXXX Antiquities Friend

    That's a sh#tty one. Especially the living in the same house thing :sad:

    I am guessing that the shared house thing will end when you go to College? and that this is in the near future? (Sorry, in the UK not so quick on everything US :rolleyes:)......but if not you really need to stop sharing with her (both for your own sanity and IMO might be part of a wake-up call for her - in seeing that she has lost you and forcing her to focus on what she has (not). if it helps turn into a chance to start again for both of you is another matter)..........can't afford to? I think that is wrapped up with "don't want to" (I can understand that) - I am 120% sure that in your part of world that their is somewhere else you could live if you really wanted to - even if not perfect, or long term. I would bust a gut to move to get space for your own head to get I said, may even help on reclaiming the g/f thing (if that is what you then want).

    But, whilst I can and do sympathise with you going through a real sh#tty emotional wringer on this one, and for which their is no easy or "magic" solution - part of life (and the fun of life!) is making decisions and often these are dumb ones. sometimes you know they are dumb ones in advance, but often it is only in hindsight :tongue:. At 20/21 you are meant to be making dumb / fun! decisions as part of your own learning curve (you can't live your life based on advice of others, no matter how good).....and to be honest it sounds like your (former) G/F is doing exactly that. Will it last with her new fella? From what you write, probably not. Will she later regret what she did / threw away? a good chance. Does knowing this help you now? or mean she will ever come back to you? No.

    This is one of those circumstances that viewed from the outside is very different from going through. and as I said, no easy, magic or good solution :sad:

    But the good news is that eventually you will look back on this and learn stuff that if you are bright you will use in the future. at 21 you have a LOT of fun stuff to come :cool: as well as a bucket load of dumb stuff :laugh: (BTW the "dumb stuff" thing only decreases as you get older (but never stops! :tongue:) - cos' by then your bucket is getting full :laugh:).