This is me

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by FutureSeek, Jul 24, 2008.

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  1. FutureSeek

    FutureSeek Member

    OK, let's see...

    Childhood of emotional abuse and neglect, broken home. Bible Belt Fundie school that taught that girls are lesser than boys and queers burn in hell, and even though you know better, you still swallow their shit and spend the rest of your life recovering. Hesitation marks when I was 17.

    Much in the way of sexual umm, trauma, as a young adult, and a rape I've recently identified as such.

    More sexual trauma within a marriage in my twenties. A downward spiral of drugs and alcohol throughout my teens and twenties

    A <mod edit-gentlelady-methods> a few times in my twenties but always talked myself out of it. When I was 28 I could no longer think of a reason not to and decided to<mod edit-gentlelady-methods>. Now my therapists insist on calling it an "attempt." To me there's not much "attempt" with a <mod edit-gentlelady-methods> it's pretty black and white. None-the-less I have come to accept it was an attempt.

    Now I am grateful to be a gay woman in recovery, married to same. She was recently diagnosed with Complex PTSD and we are both doing dark work in the hopes of a brighter future. I spend a lot of time and energy "in the trenches" trying to make this world a little better than when I got here; so I can justify my use of scarce resources.:dry: I grapple with an environment of secondary trauma in addition to everything else.

    I have no friends, no family support, no "support network," and really never have. I've finally given up trying.

    Still fight the urges, one therapist said that because I had considered it a viable option the urges would probably always be with me. Not too sure about my current therapist, but what can you do.

    Mid-life crisis took hold hard about two years ago and some days I just hang on for the ride. On the bad days I've come to think of myself as a future suicide, once I run out of deals to make with myself. Besides, my golden years hold a promise of Alzheimer's, so WTF?:wink:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2008
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    :hug: glad to see you here:smile:

    Welcome!!
    Hope you find everything here helpful.
    You've got a lot.. But not too much.

    <33Rachel
    [my inbox is always open]
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums and enjoy your time on here.

    Beware of the pizza munching mice.
     
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    :welcome:

    Sounds like you've been through a lot.
    Glad you're here with us.
     
  5. magic1

    magic1 Active Member

    Hey, glad you joined here, I was wondering if you could explain alzheimers, please?
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum :welcome:
     
  7. FutureSeek

    FutureSeek Member


    Alzheimer's is very hereditery. It is an extreme form of dementia. It can go on for years and years and is fatal. Many people who seem a little off in their 50's are really in early stages. Early stages are forgetfulness and odd behavior, even dangerous behavior, middle stages inlcude forgetting your life and not recognizing your loved ones. In end stages the brain forgets how to function the body, and people have trouble swallowing and frequently choke. In the end they die because of complications associated with Alzheimer's, like heart failure, dehydration because the body can't swallow etc. Layman's explanations of course. Fun stuff:cool:
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. it sounds as if you have had a rough journey. I hope we are able to help you put things behind you. Take care. :hug:
     
  9. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Hey,

    Welcomr to SF

    Here if you need to chat
    Sam
    xxxx
     
  10. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to sf. I'm glad you found this place and hope that you find all the support u need here.
    Drop me a pm if u ever needa chat.
    Take care
    x
     
  11. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    welcome to sf :smile:
     
  12. FutureSeek

    FutureSeek Member

    Thank you all very much for the warm welcomes :)
     
  13. sakuragirl

    sakuragirl Well-Known Member

    welcome to the forum
     
  14. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Hello and a warm welcome to SF i hope you find it helpful:smile:
     
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