I have taken all of your very false and optimistic outlooks on life into consideration and decided I'm way too fucked up for even "you" to understand. that is why, if all goes well, this will be my last entry. I won't even attempt suicidw if I know there is a possibility that I may be stopped, with as nosey of a husband as I have its a good possibility. anyway hopfully this is the last post I have. thanks for the optimism, which I used to believe in!